Sweeter Days

Well today I was listening to some fantasic piano music, composed by Kyle Landry on youtube, and I fell in love with his song called "Lonely".
Here is the link if you care to hear it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a318ACsI-t4

Anyway, I just love the song. So I wrote the kind of feeling I got from it. Not meant to be lyrics, just the inspiration the song gave me.

You know I'll always be here,
I'll stand here at your side,
We'd fight off any darkness,
We could fill the whole night sky,

But you have her eyes to gaze on,
Her smile- soft and sweet.
Often times I feel so distant,
But yet closer still I reach.

I'll stand here just for you,
Even if I stand apart,
If nothing draws us closer,
I know I've followed through to heart,

I'll stand alone,
Knowing I gave you my all,
I have to thank you for every moment,
Both good or bad, big or small.

So I leave you with this message,
That I loved you from the start,
I've loved you every moment,
In my soul and in my heart.

This must be our last goodbye,
as we walk our seperate ways,
I'll smile for every thing we had,
For our old and sweeter days.

Live in the Now

Why boast of the past, When the past is a long ways gone?
Some live on the glory of a far retired dawn.

Caught up in their vanity, They fail to achieve,
Nor do I believe that they begin to precieve

A much larger picture has yet to unfold,
With greater potential then the stories they've told.

So keep your chin high, Strong will you stand,
Show us you take pride in the moment at hand.

The Gardens

Preparing to form my garden, I found I had such little space
So instead of planting greenery, I planted nothing in it's place
The soil was finely tended to, the earth was so well tilled,
The seeds of absense were the seeds with which this earth was filled.
The nothing in the garden grew- devoid of my assist,
I left the gardend to itself, knowing I would not be missed.
I had such absense growing, that I never the need to expand,
The little garden boundaries were the same as they now stand.
The garden was so well limited, with pavement all around,
No empty slots were open, no more room for garden grounds.
That's when my plans were forced to change, for fresh seeds had taken root,
Bearing such enticing and such unexpected fruit.
Though sweet and lucious fruit it was, no longer could it stay,
The garden's lack of nourishment had sent the fruit away.
My garden still stands as it was, and I feel the tart remorse-
The painful, bitter after taste of not planning a wiser course.
As I stand on barren ground, where great potential once had stood,
I feel that empty feeling of not giving what I could.

Be Alive

Okay so I have never written a song before, but my friend told me to try it out. So I did. It might be a bit cheesy, but whatever. I enjoyed writing it. :)

(first verse)
You follow the feeling-
You've kept it so strong
But you've been so broken,
Nothing feels right
And nothing feels wrong

(second verse)
You lost your inner self,
The light had left your eyes,
You were still a part of her,
But you needed to see,
To realize-

(pre chorus)
You can find yourselves inside
The better part you cannot hide

(chorus)
Because this is your time,
The day is yours to chase
Lose those bitter memories
in a far off distant place.
You've gotta fight till you live
You can believe and forgive,
Today You'll be alive

(third verse)
Stop pulling yourself down,
You still have things to do,
Don't fake what you are,
You know what's true,
You know what's you.

(pre chorus variation with dramatic build in music)
You have found yourself inside,
The better part you couldn't hide

(suddenly softer music, eventually builds to chorus)
(chorus)
Because this is your time,
The day is yours to chase
you can lose those bitter memories
in a far off distant place.
You've gotta fight till you live
You can believe and forgive,
Today You'll be alive

(reprise?)
And when you really hear these words you'll know
Those better parts now start to show,
And now you're finally
(long note with slight pause)
Alive

One of those posts.

You know, I hate feeling like everything you do is useless. I have felt this a lot recently, not gonna lie. I don't know if I think about stuff too much, but I feel like I am not doing anything for the world. I want to help, but every attempt is... well, useless. Not to mention that I feel like these useless tasks are taking up valuable time I will NEVER get back. Let's take for example the skills we try so hard to improve. In the end, do they matter? Not really. To your teacher who is giving you a grade, maybe. But that really is about it.

Clarinet? useless.
Guitar? useless.
Art? useless.
Poetry? useless.
Writing this blog? useless.

When will I use these thigns in my life? Probably never. Let's be honest here, I most likely don't have the drive to compete with everyone else who becomes successful at these things and actually manages to live off of it.

And Anything that is worthwhile, is generally nearly impossible to obtain. Like the classes I think will actually apply to my life, are of course- classes I can't take untill I'm a junior or senior. Or, things that are insanely expenseive. College comes to mind.

And I am a bit socially/emotionally spent. You know those times when you try so hard to please everyone, but it's bascially impossible? Yeah, that basically is my life. I feel like I always let someone down, or I am never social enough, or I can't provide what someone needs. And it eats at me!

I don't know if anyone actually understands what I am trying to say half the time, so that doesn't help. Maybe I am just overly complicated? I thought I was pretty simple, but whatever. It would just be nice to have someone who understands what you are trying to say all the time. I don't even know if that is humanly obtainable, but it doesn't hurt to hope for it.

And having only one person to talk to makes it difficult as well. I can't talk to just anyone about these type of things, ya know? You start to sound self absorbed and selfish, and just like a jerk. I mean, when I get going on something, I usually go off about everything in my life, and it woudl just be nice to have someone listen. I don't want them to solve my problems, I want to just freakin talk to someone.

But parents just seem to want to fix the problem, or tell you what you are doing wrong. Not what you need to hear when you are just venting. The majority of friends lose interest after one story, or they some how manage to turn the conversation to themselves.

Basically this is just a post to talk to some person without talking to them. Sounds crazy, but whatever. It does help a bit, so why not give it a shot?

Conflict

I can't understand.
I feel so confused.
I feel oh so loved,
Yet I feel... simply used.

I know that he's caring,
I know he's for real,
But does he honestly believe,
What he tells me he feels?

What does it mean,
When I think to let go?
Am I going insane?
Or do my true feelings show?

He treats me with love,
But yet there is something he lacks...
Or is it just me,
Not cutting him slack?

I should know by now,
Exactly where I stand,
I just find it hard to solve
The puzzle that's at hand.

I don't want to hurt him,
Or cause myself pain,
I just want to stop
Before we both lose at this game.

I don't want to lose him,
But I think that it's time.
It's been lingering here
In the back of my mind.

I know that we'd be happier,
If only we we,re appart.
But he should know that he'd still have a place right here...
A place within my heart.

The Phantom Train

This train has no tracks, but yet it leads ever beyond-
Forward marches the engine to it's melancholy song.
Complimentary is the journey for those who choose to ride,
But those who haven't "paid the cost" are those who cannot hide.

For the land is no-man's land from which this train departs,
Leading on the souls of those who have departed from their hearts.
And the living have no place among the train's solemn coaches,
But the dead are free to enter as their rail car slowly approaches

So until we reach the day when your time has come and gone,
Remember to steer clear of that engine's groaning song.
Your soul will then cross over, when you have nothing left to gain,
The lost, the hopeless, the deceased, all pass on- by way of the Phantom Train.