Understanding

Sometimes, I am just done with people.

Right now at least...

Is it any wonder why though? I don't know who I can trust, besides a select few at the moment. And I mean a very select few. Like, two or three tops. I just feel like no one gets how I work. I just want someone to understand me. I don't want sympathy, I don't want advise, I don't want someone to tell me everything is going to be okay. I just want to talk. I just want to be heard without people making statements and judgements before I finish my thoughts. Thank goodness for my heaven sent friend who understands that. The poor girl gets the extreme highs and lows I go through.

I feel back stabbed. I feel the lack of communication. I feel the sorrow for other people's trials. I feel heart ache. I feel so lost. I feel hope, but not for the present. I feel like I just want to fast forward a few years and just be done with all this stupid teenager crap. I feel so many personal things that I want to share, but I don't feel like I can, because I don't know who can keep a secret.

So whatever you may think of me, I'm not always a happy girl. I am not a service robot who can always help you out without feeling somewhat used or overworked sometimes. I can't just keep going without feeling run down. I can't always try to make everyone happy, and I will never be able to satisfy everyone. And when most people are satisfied, I end up with all the hurt. I try so hard to be the me that every one loves, but it's only one side... Is it wrong to want to be loved when you aren't in the best mood? When all you want is just someone to squeeze you and let you tell them everything without expecting their turn to talk?

Dear Music,

Thank you music. For laughing with me. For crying with me. For knowing exactly how I feel. For giving me strength. For letting me express how I feel openly with you. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone, and that there is better and worse out there. Thanks for those emotional songs that twist the knife, dig deep into your soul, let your pain fester to let you remember your emotions, and then almost always end on a happy note-- as if to remind you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks for the songs that speak the words I couldn't come up with on my own, and help me keep my head high. I won't give up anytime soon, I know I've got you on my side.

With love,
Tom

Haha I love when a song is randomly stuck in my head and then I realize that it is my subconscious basically singing what I am thinking about. Ever had that happen? It's a funny thing really. I quite enjoy it.

:)