Thursday, December 30, 2010

Smiling is my Favorite

I kinda love your smile. True story. I like it when people smile in general, but you have a particularly nice smile.

"Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing."
-Mother Teresa

There is something about a guy's smile that can slap a smile on my face too. A smile makes a man handsome! An honest smile is trustworthy! Ah there is so much to be said for a good smile. Maybe they don't notice, but it makes my day a little brighter.

It does make me wonder though, do they ever think about my smile? I hope so. When I smile, I mean it! I like to smile, but you can tell when it's forced. So if I am smiling around you, it usually means that I enjoy being with you. Or you make me really happy. Or I might even like you. You'll never really know I guess! :)

You never know who is looking at your smile, so why not show it off, eh?

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Teddy Bear! :D

I've decided that my teddy bear is a babe. Yes, I still have teddy bears. Don't judge. Don't hate. But you can be jealous.

He has wonderfully soft black fur, and rich brown eyes. He's big and squishy and cuddly. He's been at my side for a few years now, he always listens, and he makes a wonderful pillow. (Who needs a pillow pet when you have a legit teddy bear?) He's just awesome sauce. Despite the fact that his name has changed a few times in the past, he has never let me down!

(insert intended image of teddy bear here. Stupid card reader isn't reading anything... Technology hates me.)

On another note, I have decided that I really need to get out more. Being home is driving me crazy. For heaven sakes I'm blogging about my teddy bear. And you know you have been playing games too long when you turn off the lights and still expect to see some sort of visor control panel in the dark. (at least I beat the stupid giant rock monster... piece of junk.)

Yeah... I need my license. Or a job. Or friends who can drive.
Maybe all of the above.

With love,

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Boys are...

There are many adjectives to describe boys. And I have have a few words to describe most of the boys I know. These boys are:

• Confusing
• Hard to read
• Admirable
• Good to talk to
• Loveable
• Generally not dramatic
• Trustworthy
• Occasionally day dream worthy
• Awkward... in a good way
• Insane
• Not over complicated
• Comforting
• Sweet
• Obnoxious
• Wonderful

Over all, I love boys. But not just any boys. I love my boys :)

Monday, December 27, 2010

Why am I up? It's 4 in the morning. Now I don't want to sleep because I know I'll get up late. And I hate getting up late. But I don't want to be sleep deprived. Son of a gun! Why am I doing this to myself? I love sleep. But I really don't want to sleep because I know I'll wake up late or tired or a mixture of the two. I'm so gonna suffer for this. Oh well.

Tomorrow, I'm going to bed early.

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes

"Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet."

"We cannot wish for that we know not"

"Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything."
-Napoleon Hill

"Your feet will bring you to where your heart is.”
Irish Proverb

So what I am starting to think is that the business of love and life gets pretty tricky. We just gotta try to figure it out.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas is a Time for Love!

Well it's that time of year! A time when we all can come together and celebrate. Christmas is a beautiful time, because it brings people together. It's made me realize that I really do love a lot of people, and I should stop treating them so crummy. I don't exactly appreciate everyone I have, so let me make this clear- I love you! And I am not just saying that in a casual way, because love has become such an over used word. I honestly love you, no matter how well I know you. My heart is boiling over with love for so many people, it's not even funny. But it sure does make me smile :)

About two years ago I lost my grandma right before Christmas. I didn't realize how much I loved having her around until she was gone. That's when all my guilt hit me, for all the times I never went to her house to visit, for all those times I rolled my eyes when we stayed at their house for longer than we expected. I felt like such a jerk. She always did so much for me, and I never got much of a chance to return all of her kindness and love. So I would recommend that you always remember to tell someone how you feel, how you appreciate them, be honest with them, and do something kind for them. Because you never know when they will be gone.

And, in a Christmas spirit, here is a Christmas poem my Grandpa wrote. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, I love you! Enjoy!


O sweet remembered bygone days
Of youthful Christmas joys.
A time of children’s Christmas plays
And children’s Christmas toys.

We trimmed the green and fragrant tree
Then crowned it with a star.
The kitchen was our bakery
And cookies filled each jar.

We sang the carols of Holy Birth
And songs of Santa Claus;
Songs of Bethlehem and Peace On Earth,
Of Silver Bells and Reindeer’s Paws.

Through the years the child has grown,
But memories still impart
A yearning for that childhood home
Within an aging heart.


With oodles of love, and tidings of comfort and joy,

Thursday, December 23, 2010

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year! :D

Why the heck have I been in a bad mood the past two days? Christmas is this week for goodness sake! I shouldn't be such a grinch! Tis the season to be jolly, be joyful and triumphant! None of this stingy "The world is dark" crap. (Okay, maybe I haven't been that bad, but you can see what I am getting at)

So this post is to be one of joy and it's usual silly-ness. :)

Okay joy is kind of an odd word to use at this moment, so we will replace it with optimism. Because I've had this pain in my lower left abdomen bothering me since last night. I have this curse of always getting sick whenever school is out or a special occasion rolls around, so it's probably just holding to the tradition. This includes Groundhog's day, My Birthday and Christmas of course (as well as many others).

The main two things I think it could be is either a cyst or appendicitis. Hah I would probably laugh if my appendix was exploding, because two people I know have gotten theirs out in the last month or so. Maybe mine is just jealous. Either way, the pain isn't that bad, so I'm not worried about it at the moment.

And it is Christmas Eve Eve!! I really wanna have a get together with some friends or something, and celebrate this wonderful holiday! Get some Apple Beer, sit by the fire, exchange small gifts, sing songs, the whole nine yards. That'd be so great :)

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Woah! I am a Teenager! Imagine that.

I think I've figured out why I never fit in at my home. Everyone is an adult. And I don't want to grow up yet! I want to enjoy what I have left of my teenage years. Let's face it, I only have about two years left before I am shoved into adulthood. Can I not just enjoy being a kid for a while?

When I'm at home, I feel like I have to be an adult. Like when I watch my niece or nephews, even though I love them to death and beyond, it's like I'm in motherhood training. Or when I listen to all the things that are going on in every one's lives, I feel like I am taking on their stress as parents and married couples. I never get to talk to anyone about teenage things, because everyone is past that point. I just sound like a stupid kid when I want to talk. So I don't talk, and people accuse me of being anti social or "emo child". Gah! There is no winning!

Despite what they may think, I'm a very happy and social person when I can properly express myself. But that kind of requires there to be something in common, or at least an open mind on their part. I want to be who I am without them bashing on band like some of them always do, or saying things like "Why are you so depressed emo child?", even if it is in a joking way. Band is really the only thing I am involved in, and when they don't accept it as something valuable, it's a slap in the face. And calling me emo child isn't gonna make me happy, let's be real. That's like saying "Hey! I think it's annoying when you are sad, so stop being sad! I am not going to bother asking what is wrong, but rather demand you get over yourself and be happy because I demand it of you! OBEY ME, I AM YOUR SUPERIOR!!!" (or something to that effect)

I want to hang out with friends for a while, I want to go on a date, I want to drive the car, I want to go do fun things with my friends, I want to get a job and save up some money for myself. I want to be a teenager. But it seems that is impossible without being looked upon as a naive kid who doesn't know anything. Is it too much to ask that I can do things like that without being seen as inexperienced or foolish? I'm not an idiot, I'm someone who wants to experience this part of life. I don't want to go from nearly no responsibility to having the entire weight of the family pressing down on me.

I'm just a teenage kid, please just let me be one for a while.

With love,

Monday, December 20, 2010

It was one of those days...

Today was a rollercoaster of a day. That about sums it up. It was fine until after school. Then it was bad. Then it got better, so that's good. This isn't a super funny or happy post. It's just how my day went. So don't expect much humor.

I came home, and my mom was furious with me, because I hadn't cleaned the bathroom, which I told her I would do when I got home. She did it while I was at school for some reason, and then wanted to get mad at me. The fact that my room wasn't clean didn't help. Yes, I am completely at fault for all of this, and I was fine with that. But it's when she comes in while I'm cleaning and wants to argue with me that I get really upset.

She chews me out pretty good. And yes, I cry. I'm a wimp. I cry when my mom gets mad at me. Because I know I disappoint her, and I always do. I never get to say anything from my point of view either, which just adds to the mess. I sit there and cry because I have all these thoughts in my head that I can't say. Because she either gets super offended and defensive, or she tells me I'm wrong, or she twists my words into something they aren't. So I've learned to shut my mouth and just take whatever she dishes out. That's what kills me. I can never be honest and speak my mind.

I think this is where my love for honesty and an open mind stems from. I want it given to me straight, because I want to give it to someone else straight. People always claim they want honesty, but they only want positive honesty it seems. Like they have selective conditions. I think you can be genuinely honest without being brutal, it's called tact. Don't sound like a jerk when you say it, just say it carefully. Then everyone is happy!

Anyway, she said some things that really got to me so I just asked her to leave (yes, asked, not demanded. I even said please, in a nice tone, not like a brat) because I didn't want to say something I'd regret. After I got my room clean, I just listened to music and painted. And how much better I felt! I don't feel like I want to go to bed crying now. So I look forward to tomorrow, and hope it'll be a better day. Hopefully I can spend some time with some friends or something.

Love you guys, Good night :)

Till next time,

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Grr... Maybe I'll just shut you down.

Why are you doing this to me?
I've done everything you've asked of me.
I've given you everything you want.
I've sat here for hours trying to work this out with you.
It's like you don't even want this to work.
Are you just being selfish?
Do you just want to annoy me?
What is your problem?!
I've even left you with a little extra time.
I'll admit, I left you for a while, to see if I could make something amazing with someone else, but they wouldn't even look at what I had to offer.
I've given you 79 minuets and 57 seconds of pure bliss!
Why are you not accepting it?!
We've worked this out before, in half the time!
I know it's possible!
Maybe it's time I abandon this thought...
I was foolish to think you'd let me do this more than once...

Stupid CD burner...

Ha! You probably thought this was some psycho, anger-influenced heart break didn't you? Fooled you! :D

Or maybe I didn't fool you, because you saw the bold letters and read them first. Either way, you probably should have caught on, assuming you know I rarely express such negative feelings towards people (out loud... Hey, I'm not perfect). Anyway!

I've been trying to burn some CDs for like... 3 hours. I'm so tired of this thing. It tells me to put in a CD, I do it. I press the burn button, and it tells me to insert a CD. Again. What the (insert angry word of choice here)!!! What do you want from me?! CDs made of DIAMONDS?!

...I need a hug.


Noisey, if I do say so myself.

Sometimes I think of random situations that I could probably find myself in. This sounds like something I'd do.

Me: (finally getting up courage to talk to the boy of interest in a noisy area) "I really find you quite attractive."
Boy of Interest: "What was that? I couldn't hear you."
Me:"... I really like the way you acted. Around those people... That you don't like. And stuff."
BoI: "Oh, yeah thanks."
Me: "No problem..."
(he walks away)


Luckily, I was not found in this situation tonight, although it could have happened I'm sure.

On another note, tonight was fantastic! Chilled and danced with the coolest people I know, listened to a bunch of those same cool people perform, and took pictures of other people I don't even know. All in all, I'd call it a success :)

P.S. I apologize if this has spelling errors, I am too tired to spell check it. So you will just have to deal with it.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Writings of Stuff. Very Official?

This isn't about any one, just a random little thought process that went through my head like... ten minuets ago. Then the long story is the "Short story" I wrote for a club, then decided not to share, because it wasn't nearly as good as the other stories that were told. haha so have fun kids.

What has he done?
The man who once followed his heart,
Who was led on by honesty,
Has been fooled by the artificial rues of her innocent eyes.
Eyes, with lust and passion,
Oh the eyes that deceive.
They bring not what man needs,
But what man finds as proclivity.
A promise to fulfill the most splendid reveries,
To vanquish thoughts of concern,
To banish negative connotation of desire.
Those eyes... Those eyes.
This man, took those eyes and thought them to be genuine.
He found himself no longer a man,
But a worn out item of personal gain;
Tossed aside at the likes of another who's cup held a sweeter wine.

Her Tree

His pocket watch had struck 7:47 PM. That pocket watch was a gift from her, a way of reminding him she'd be with him at any hour. “Then why aren't you here now?” he asked himself with bitterness in his heart. Then his bitterness turned to sorrow. That's when the memories flood through his mind; the mental dam could no longer hold back the furry of their haunting presence. It was clear that the cries of his heart had escaped their chamber, and he could no longer hide his emotions within the black abyss in which they were once concealed. The woods, the path, he remembered them with a stinging recollection - as if they were scorched upon his destitute mind.

Subconsciously he wandered forward in the forest, not acknowledging the way which his mind had led him. He shed a few tears during the review of his bitter-sweet, inescapable past. Was the wrenching emotional toil he must endure worth the once blissful memories and fond reveries? With his mind still pondering this thought, he continued to tread upon the unbeaten path that led to the source of his painful reminiscence- her tree

It was at this tree that he met her, where he held her in his arms while she wept, where they grew to know each other, and where he fell in love. It was at this tree that he promised he'd never let her feel alone. When he realized where he was, it came to him that he stood before that towering giant without her for the first time. The calm stream of tears turned into a violent wave of sobs and fervent longing. Quiet aches had languished a sturdy, passionate, man into nothing more than a cold, soulless shell who silently went about the day without purpose. But this; this was his breaking point. This broken man became a shattered spirit. All of this torment compelled his body to tremble, and caused his knees to again meet the soft soil that laid before the timber.

Suddenly he was stricken with a tender memory; when he came to his knees by his own will. He nervously practiced what he would say, and thought through what would be the opportune moment to kneel before the woman he loved. When he would profess his feelings, when he was prepared to commit his life to her. He held a small wooden box that contained a modest, white gold band in his pocket. A poor man he was, and he couldn't afford the glamorous diamond that most girls long for. But it wasn't a lack of money that compelled him to buy this band. He would have done anything to present her with a ring blanketed in diamonds if she so desired. In his eyes, the most expensive and embellished ring would have never been enough for her. She deserved the best. But all she ever wanted was the reassurance of his love, and to know that he remained faithful to her.

She would often stop to admire the ring's simplicity in the jewelry display when they would walk through the bustle of the city mall. When he asked her why she admired the ring so, she answered plainly “Something doesn't have to be complex or expensive to be beautiful” with a genuine smile, a smile that had captured his heart. This is why he bought this ring. He knew she was fond of it's simplicity, and that it meant more to her than a circle of precious metal. It represented a bond, their love. Which was something plain, genuine, and devoid of complexities.

But that night when he was prepared to purpose, she never showed up. He sat below the tree in his best suit with a ring and a broken heart. She was unjustly taken from the world before he had a chance to fulfill his promises to her, before he could give her everything she deserved. Why would someone with so much potential and so much compassion for others meet such an early death? At her funeral, he placed the ring in her cold hands, and looked upon her face one final time. So serene she seemed to sleep. Even in death, she was more full of life than he. It seemed that when she was consigned to death, so was the man he became. Never again was he the same person. She had helped him find who he was, and when she left, she took that part of him with her.

He continued to weep and pleaded to be set free of his pain. The night seemed as though it would never end, that the torment would continue until his very death. As he sat under the tree's haven, he went through all of the memories they shared. Some he looked upon with disdain, and others he could have been found with a faint smile. Then, gradually, there was a sense of peace about him. The calm of the night had settled in, and he began to fall victim to it's coaxing atmosphere. The night shut his tear stained eyes and granted him rest.

He awoke to find himself in the beauty of the foggy dawn. While a dull pain still resided in his heart, and he still had a heaviness about his chest, there was a sense of freedom from the chains tragedy had placed on him so long ago. It was as if an angel had descended from above and personally lifted his burdens from him. Life seemed as though it could continue, and that he could function again. While it was not easy to accept, he knew that he would continue to breath and find purpose in each new day. That's what she would have wanted, after all.

And a broken man began to heal.

-Hannah J. Thomas

More to come I'm sure.

With love,

Wednesday, December 15, 2010


Giving yourself is the greatest gift you can give, right? When you give yourself and your time, you are giving something something that can't ever be given back. It's the ultimate sacrifice. I think knowing that is what makes it worth the effort.

I don't know about you guys, but I am feeling utterly drained. This time of the year is a time to exert all your energy when you don't have much left to give. So when you start to feel exhausted, just remember that you have a choice. You have a choice to give your time. And I hope you do. In fact, I hope you push yourself a little past exhaustion, and make yourself feel uncomfortable. You can take the time for yourself when all your work is over, but when you push yourself a little harder, and test that limit, you get something special from it. You can take a step back and see that you've made a difference.

It doesn't have to be something big, but I dare you all to do something kind, but something that might feel uncomfortable for you. Smile at someone you don't know, even if you are in a terrible mood. Help someone with their groceries, young or old. Give a perfect stranger a gift, go Christmas Caroling, talk to someone shy, make a friend, do something new.

I can nearly promise you that it will reward you. And if it doesn't, then maybe you just need to look a little closer at what you have done for someone else. Because when you hand someone yourself, you are offering them something no one else can. Because you are the only you out there, so why not give it to them? You are great, you are better than great! And you have something to share with everyone.

With love,

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Band is Hot. Legit. Awesome. etc.

Dear Fellow Bandies-

Can I just say that I thought tonight was BEASTLY?!? I was totally feeling energy tonight. Maybe it was just me, but I feel so good about all of it! The Jazz stuff was HOT and ENERGETIC. As always. The Concert band did swell! But Russian? Ohhh yeah.... I was like "BAM!! WE ARE SO HOT RIGHT NOW!!" Aahh, it just felt soo satisfying. I freakin love band. I love all my bandies. So to all of you who performed, Well done!!

And My brother came, without me asking him to! I love him dearly! I understand some people can't come or have to back out for something else, Or just flat out don't want to be there. At least some loved ones can make it. It means a lot. :'D

Yep, I'm a band nerd.

The End.

With a Melodic Love,

Monday, December 13, 2010

I could use a little more silver in my life.

Make new friends,
But keep the old,
One is silver
And the other is Gold.

You ever feel like you really need to make a new friend? Not because you don't love your old friends, but you feel like you should get to know someone new? I'm in that place right now. And I can't make friends naturally. It's not my strongest suit. I was much better at this in 1st grade when I could just instantly be friends with the person sitting next to me.

Well, lately I've been trying to make new good friends and crack out of my shell (yes, believe it or not I do have a shell. And it's probably much thicker than you'd assume, considering how often I say hello to people I hardly know. That is, in fact, me breaking out of my shell.) and I've found out quite a lot about how I interact socially around people I don't know so well.

1. I'm awkward. And not in the good way. I don't know what to say or how to make conversation without sounding like a complete fool 98% of the time. The other 2% is the time that I keep my mouth shut.

2. I worry that people will read too much into what I do or say. Which could go one of two ways. They do, or they don't even notice what I'm doing the whole time, which means they really don't care. Either way, it's a loss on my part.

3. I don't know if I should talk to them and initiate conversation or sit by passively and let them come to me. That is the worst thing for me. and if you are nervous to come talk to me... Chances are, I would love talking to you, no matter who you are, so just come talk to me, Dang it! I won't bite your head off. I swear.

4. While I will be very laid back and chill in conversation with people I'm comfortable with, I get crazy and probably obnoxious when I talk to people I'm trying to get to know. Which isn't the best impression to make, but I figure it's better than being silent. I get nervous, alright? It's my way of coping!

I begin to wonder, when talking to new people and attempting to make friends, what is the proper balance of things?

Things to take into consideration:
• If you are annoying them
• How often/much you talk to them
• How busy they are
• You don't want to seem invasive
• If you don't talk to them, do they think you are ignoring them?
• If what you're saying or doing could be taken as a form of flirtation?
• How badly you may or may not want to be their friend
• What kind of effort are you willing to put into a friendship
• What kind of friend you are looking for

The over all message of this post? I need to learn to make friends in a natural, not invasive way. Impossible? Maybe. Only time will tell.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

48... What a Number!

I was thinking about school this morning (which is so wrong, considering it is a day of rest... gah...) and I decided to take a look at what I would like to plan for my next two years.

My brother has strongly encouraged me to take concurrent enrollment classes, so I don't waste money and time in college. Why not get credit now when it's easier, right? So I was looking at them, and this is what I found...

I can cram at least 48 credits of college into the next two years.

That sounds like quite a lot to me, and that would be very nifty to save that much time and money. And I still get to take classes I want. I'm pretty pumped. Now here's the problem...

Do I have that kind of time??

I will be doing band, and possibly getting a job. And in order to do this as I want to, I have to take 5 classes online. Luckily, they are pretty simple classes, so I'm not too worried. But still, is this insanity? Am I going to destroy myself in this process? Is it worth it?

It's at times like these where I wish I was only six years old again, learning about the octopus and stuff like that. I'm only sixteen! Do I really want to be doing college right now? I feel like I want to be grown up, but at the same time I just want to go back to innocence and bliss! Curse these teenage days of confusion!

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Here's my brain. Have fun.

Remember that boy fast? Yeah... Never thought it'd last. And I was right! I have come to accept that regardless of how I want to feel, I'm going to still like someone. But I can control what I do about it. And that's the beauty of it. I won't do anything at all. That's how I control it! It's fantastic!

But I thought I'd give you a look into my mind anyway. This is how my brain works, when it comes to boys. The kinds of qualities I'd like them to have and such.

• He's got to be honest, and tell me what's on his mind. Nothing is better than a guy who let's you into his head. To me, it shows trust, which is what I want most.
• I want someone who is chill. Yes, I want him to be energetic when it's time to be excited, but I don't want someone who has to be entertained all the time. I'd be happy to just be with him and do nothing.
• When I say something stupid or mix up my words, I want him to laugh. Not because he thinks I'm an idiot, but because he thinks it's cute. :)
• I want a dork. Yes, you heard me. I want a nerdy, dorky, cute guy. Because I'm a dork, and I don't want to feel like I'm too dorky for him. But he still has to be mature! When the time calls for it at least. haha
• He shows affection, but not in public or around friends, unless we are engaged or are extremely serious (which won't be happening for a long, LONG time, just to clarify). He'd know how I feel and I know how he'd feel, but we don't need to show it off to the world. I don't want to be a trophy for goodness sake, which is what PDA looks like to me.
• He'd never pressure me into being something I'm not. He'll take me as I am, but he'll encourage me to be better. He doesn't want me to change, he just wants me to improve.
• I'd like him to be intelligent. Not in a show-off sort of way though. He's smart, but he doesn't have to advertise it.
• If he can still think I'm cute when I'm in sweats and a t-shirt, he'll pretty much win over my heart. I like to feel like I don't have to dress up for a guy, but I will every once in a while to makes him happy.
• Guys who play music are all around amazing anyway, so my ideal guy has to play an instrument or just adore music at least.
• I want someone who is flawed. Because we all are, it's just a matter of who admits it and what they do about it. I don't want them to wallow and say how terrible they are or anything like that, but if they recognize they aren't perfect, it's quite attractive.
• And last (for this list at least, there are more qualities I can't think of at the moment I'm sure) he's has to be understanding and patient. I don't want someone with a hot temper who gets mad or refuses to listen. You never know when there is more to a story, so I want them to hear someone out before biting their head off. That includes my head as well.

So there you have it. Some traits of my ideal guy. Let's hope someday I find him! Or he finds me, or whatever.

With love,

P.S. Speaking of brains, The Walking Dead is a very intense show! If you are looking for something scary, definately go for that show. It'll make you think, and make you angry, but it's great :)

Thursday, December 09, 2010

The Music Box

Okay this is surprisingly dark. Especially for me. But I swear! I'm a happy kid! :D I just like to run with my imagination for a bit. So, if you aren't in the mood to read something a bit spooky, I would say to not read this at this moment. But, for those of you who are interested, please read with this music in the background! -The Musicbox (song)

Closing the doors behind me,
You walk past those crowded, yet empty halls,
Filled with ghosts who weep so silently,
And await their name once again to be called.

Their very presence chills your skin,
Their gossamer fingers sweep down the column of your spine,
They induce suspicions and daunting thoughts,
As if to say you've clearly lost your mind.

You lose your sense of reality,
What was once black has now turned white,
From shadows, faces begin to form,
And follow you throughout the night.

You can no longer discern direction,
The doors are no where to be found,
Everything shifts into a blur,
and silence turns to sound.

Between the shadows now turned into light,
and the stillness- a chaotic surge of noise,
You see a familiar object in the distance,
A frail and antique toy.

It's charming cherry finish,
With features in conditions so pristine,
You open up an old music box,
To find a dancing figurine.

As you examine the fragile object,
It soon becomes quite clear,
It's gentle, haunting melody,
Intensifies your every fear.

Understanding that this was the source,
From whence this nightmare came to be,
You shut the lid with a mighty force,
And locked it with a key.

The cavernous corridors are once again tangible touch of your gentle hand,
But this must have been the burning pain to be a ghost among damned...

With Spooky Love,

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Nachos and Berloiz

Well, here I sit with a half eaten plate of Nachos, mostly finished Chemistry homework, a couple of Christmas lights and some Berloiz playing in the background. What do I think of doing at a time like this? Updating my blog.

Dang Straight.

So to start, I have realized eating food helps you think a lot better. No joke. Even if it's Nachos. Delicious, unhealthy, nachos are better than an empty stomach. I actually had the patience to read part of my chemistry book, and I didn't want to light it on fire! It actually helped me! Go figure. (Totally random note, but I sometimes like to think my Chemistry book and my Math book are two guys fighting for my affection. The math book is always losing though. While both have an awful lot of problems, the handsome Chemistry book actually has insight to it's solutions. Unlike the dramatic math book who only makes things more dramatic and complicated. Or maybe this is all just some random thought brought on by nachos, lack of sanity, the time of day, and the type of mood I have been in all day...) So, eat nachos and feel the love.

As for the very random choice of music, I owe it all to my AP music class. It's not half bad, but I have to write a report on it. Not a fan of writing reports, but it's only 200 words. Woota! I have developed a bit of a taste for this kind of music because of the amount of it that is now forced on me, so it's relaxing.

On a completely different note, I visited my friend in the hospital today! The poor gal had her appendix taken out. But dang! I have never seen someone look so amazing while they are sitting in the hospital! She looked like a babe! Not at all like I would have expected. She was so lively for someone who just lost one of their organs. She had an awful lot of fun telling me all about the tube that is draining all the puss out of her stomach cavity. Haha she's a cutie, and a keeper for sure. So here's to you my dear!

And something that wasn't even mentioned in the random intro... I bought a little rubber ninja yesterday! He's so cute :) I enjoy him. Out of all the things I could have bought with that 25 cents, I chose him. That says something.

Well, not that this post was super important, but I hope you enjoyed it. Good night!

With love,

Monday, December 06, 2010

Short but Sweet?

Ahh... What a wonderful feeling. That feeling when you know that your friends are awesome? Yeah, that feeling. When all the pressure is off, and things are settled, and life feels alright? It's nice. There was so much going through my head for the past three months or so, but now, it is finally coming to a close. Things are patched up for the most part. Sure, there are still small things that go on, but that's what I'd like to call normal. It happens. But all in all, It's good to feel myself again! :D

So my dear friends, both old and new, You are all swell. You are wonderful people who give me much more than I deserve! I'm sure I drive you crazy at times, but it's because I love you :)

Sunday, December 05, 2010

Corona Del Mar

Okay so I know I had a post like... less than an hour ago, but I suddenly got over my writers block. Woot! But it isn't directly related to my previous post... blast! well enjoy anyway :)

Corona Del Mar-

On the feathery sands of Corona Del Mar,
Troubles were infrequent and pleasantly far,

Where the sky reflected the hues of our mood,
And the ocean's rhythm faithfully soothed,

Where angst and loneliness were lost at sea,
Where body and soul lined up harmoniously,

How I long ever more,
For it's amiable shore,
To breathe it's salt stained atmosphere,

To feel my feet in the sand,
To hold my heart in my hand,
And to let go of my irrational fears

While physically it stands so far,
I'll always hold Corona Del Mar in my heart.

Saturday, December 04, 2010

I can't think... Fix me?

Do you ever find yourself falling for someone even when there is no chance that anything will ever happen? And, Knowing that if anything did happen, it probably wouldn't have been worth the jump? Or knowing that you really need to just get over yourself and stop thinking about them? I'm sure you have. Well, I can relate. So here's to you, fellow hopeless romantics.

You might never think of me in the way I think of you,
And I'll never show it in the things that I do,
But I'm wishing that someday you'd help find me...
So I could help you find you.

Well, it's nothing big or fancy, but I feel like everything else I've tried to write with it doesn't fit. Writer's block is no fun. But I'll add on to it someday, if it's any good.

With awkward love,

P.S. Does anyone want to just go on an adventure? I do. So if you are in an adventuring mood, please notify me. We can go adventure together. And get hot chocolate. And possibly breakfast food. That'd be swell. kthanksbye

More than a Silly Girl on a Simple Blog

Things that you should know about me:

1. I'm extremely laid back
2. I'm comfortable being myself
3. I try to put others first
4. I'm flawed. I mess up.

And some other things that aren't so obvious...

1. I sometimes hide some of my identifying traits under layers of clumsiness, awkward smiles and jesting, stupid sayings, and sarcastic comments. While I might seem a bit dizty, I do have a thoughtful side that likes to think and debate and have intellectual and deep conversation.
2. I often find myself with feelings that I want to talk about, but I don't like to bring them up or let anyone know what I am feeling in fear the conversation will be shut down or ignored.
3. I smile to try and make sure people believe in optimism and hope, and I sometimes have to force the smile and put on a convincing act that nothing is ever wrong.
4. I want to feel like I mean something special to someone in some way. I want to know that I have made an impact in their life, and I have done something to improve them. I want to know if the little things I do actually make someone's day a little better.

And what I wouldn't give to know someone out there feels the same. I feel alone sometimes, but it's not possible that I could honestly be alone. I just don't understand why everyone feels they have to hide who they are or how they really feel. I want to know there are people out there who feel the same.

While there is much more too me, this is just a small picture of who I am on a deeper level. If you care to konw more, than just ask me. Get to know me in person. I'd rather be awkward and honest and get to know you than superficial and safe.

Written with You in mind,

Thursday, December 02, 2010

F# B D... Three notes that instantly lift me up.

Video game music. I honestly love it. Call me a nerd, or a dork or whatever you want. I really don't care. I just love video game music. If you actually listen to the music on this blog, chances are you have heard at least one of the many video game songs I love.

The reason I love it so? It always makes me happy.

I don't connect it with any painful human memories. I don't have any lyrics to put me down. But it is still packed with emotion and beauty. Yeah, it sounds awful sappy to say for a song that is in a video game, but it's just good stuff.

When I am feeling stressed out or just feel like I want to cry, I can turn on two songs that instantly make me relax. I don't know any other power in the world besides music that does that. Maybe true love does, but I don't know that end of things yet (as much as I'd like to say I do [Ha! I do. It's kind of like a pun... haha yeah that was bad. And unintentional, for the record.]).

And for those wondering about the title, it refers to Aerith's Theme from Final Fantasy 7. A beautiful song if you ask me. :)

Writen with NERDY love,

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

The Fatigue that is Never Satisfied

Are you ever tired to the point that it feels like sleep really doesn't do anything for you? I'm to that point. If anything, sleep makes me more tired...

It's beginning to feel a lot like mono!
(yes, in my head that was tuned to It's Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas)

The conflict? I have previously had mono. So TECHNICALLY I'm not supposed to have it again. But I read a nifty article that says mono is misdiagnosed 10% of the time, and if you previously had mono, you can have mono symptoms when a different illness is present.


On the other hand, I will probably start taking guitar lessons soon! I've been wanting to do this for a couple of years, so now I might actually do it. Woota!

With possibly mono-infested Love,

Monday, November 29, 2010

"And it came to me then...
That every plan,
Is a tiny prayer to Father Time."

-Death Cab for Cutie

Oh how true it is. I never really understood these lyrics when I fell in love with this song. I knew the words, but I never actually thought about them. This is only one of the many great lyrics of the song obviously, but I think there is no better way to open the song. These words are like a good slap in the face.

You really never know when things are going to change up. We plan everything, or we have made up plans for everything. If you think about it, most of them never come true. You can come up with tons of situations and solutions, but in the end, only one thing will actually happen. And when it does, and it's not something we wanted to happen, can we really complain? What good does it do? None really.

What I am getting at is that if things don't go according to plan, don't be so upset. You usually can't change it, so go with it and make the best of it. Never stop making your plans, but know that things will work out if you work with them :)

With Love

Sunday, November 28, 2010

The Soldier's Poems

Well awhile back I wrote a poem about a soldier dying at war. I didn't think much of it, but I was reading through some of my grandfather's poetry today, and I was amazed at what I found. It was like he had finished the poem for me. So I will share with you my poem, and the poem my good ol' grandpa wrote a while back. Enjoy!

A Smile Upon His Face

He lies oh so calmly,
in a catatonic state,
Lying, simply lying, With a smile upon his face.

Broken, bloodied and beaten,
Within an angel's embrace-
still lying there, with that smile upon his face

No ones arms to be held in,
No gentle soul to close his eyes,
But yet He still smiles, as his body simply lies.

The hours pass, his strength is long since lost...
The value of our freedom
Is as heavy as it's cost.

With pride in his heart and loved ones on his mind,
His soul soon passes over,
But his smile is locked in time

Our country's valued soldier -honorable and brave-
Smiles in his resting place,
A shallow, unmarked grave.

Hannah J. Thomas

Sargent Rae

Before God stands a soldier though weary, worn and gray
He salutes, in defined decorum, “ Reporting for duty, Sir, Sargent Rea.”
“Old soldier you have served with honor. You have faced the worldly woes.
Your courage is unquestioned by your comrades and your foes.”

“Sargent, you have earned your rank with ideals both high and true.
March proudly through the gates of glory, all heaven welcomes you.”
Somewhere beyond this mortal plane in a realm of shining light
Serves a Sargent, young and dashing; with a spirit full of fight.


Saturday, November 27, 2010

Happiness is a Warm Burrito? Or an awful lot of chocolate.

Last week My dear sista-friend and I had a splendid moping day. Chocolate ice cream, donuts, watched a couple of sappy love movies, the whole shebang. It was very much needed. She was having some boy problems, and so I wanted to be there for her. It was our promise/plan that when things went wrong (which we always knew they eventually would) we would join together and just mope. It was fantastic.

Well this week was my week. We got together again, but this time for me. It was splendid as well! She brought a lot of chocolate. Oh how well she knows me, and how much she loves me. A twix bar, a snickers bar, and a whole lot of chocolate macadamia nut caramel clusters. We had more girl talk in our pajamas, watched the perfect moping chick flick, and had a swell time. I freakin love that girl. I don't know where I'd be without her.

So essentially, I chilled with my favorite gal, and had nothing to eat today but chocolate, even at the wedding reception I attended. They had hot chocolate and french chocolate silk pie. It was a pretty fantastic mope day. But I thought I'd at least give myself something not chocolate to eat, so I just consumed a wonderful freezer burrito. and I think I might go make myself another one.

Wishing you the best of nights,

Boy Fast

I should just buck up, and go on a boy fast. You heard me, a boy fast.

I read some article the other day on sparknotes (yeah, I'm a bad kid, I know) about a girl who went on a boy fast, she just gave up thinking about boys in a romantic way. I think I need one of those. It's not like I can marry them yet anyways (despite the fact I day dream about that consistently). I'll just go around, thinking about other things! I have lots of other things to occupy my mind.

For example, I could focus on getting my licence, go driving and listen to some music to clear my head. I could think about what I am going to get friends and family for Christmas, because it's that time of year! I could figure out a song with my new ap music knowledge. And I can focus on my friends problems, because every one has problems. Why not try and help them out?

Why should I make myself miserable and make a boy the main focus of my life when I am not his? (And rightfully so, it's so not the time to focus on that kind of thing! [I say that to make myself feel a bit better...]) It seems like I am just setting myself up for heart ache if you ask me.

Either way, I am just gonna be happy. Things are as they are :)

With logical happy emotion,

Thursday, November 25, 2010

The Giving of Thanks and Gratitude! :D

Ah yes, it is that time of year again! The Wonderful day of Thanksgiving!

When I think about my life, I can't help but wonder why I am so blessed. I take so many things for granted. Sometimes I probably act like a bit of a snot too, considering all the simple things in life that help keep me sane. I mean, when I look at the friends and family I have... I can't even begin to describe how much I love them, and how grateful I am that they are in my life. They are basically the reason I can get up in the morning. Sometimes I may seem like a jerk to them or say some stupid stuff, but I could never live without them.

I could continue to list a bunch of material things that I have, and I am definitely grateful for, but I don't see why you'd like to read about that. It's more important to know that I love this country, my family, my friends, and my God. So hats off to you.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and don't forget to tell someone you love them and how ya feel! They'll love it :)

With Much Love and a Full belly,

Wisdom to my Callow Youth

With lines and the spaces in between I could better express the thoughts in side my head,
A fragile, delicate melody with bittersweet voice that sings to me.
With ledger lines that reach the height of it's fervent emotion, and extend below the lows of our grief,
But with these words I will try to convey.

Love not lost, but love not nourished,
Was never expected in such conditions
To last this long; to ever flourish,
With such naive and young ambitions

This heart- that never was breached,
Delights in the bona fide truth,
Twas the genuine truth that I beseeched,
And brought wisdom to my callow youth.

Relief that things could conclude so well,
Has brought me piece of mind,
Remember now to look only forward
And leave the past behind.

Oh the day will come,
When two will be as one;
The day when our hearts will find their pairs
But for now we will rest,
Nor yet pursue loves quest,
And simply enjoy the briskness of this autumn air

With Love,

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

It's Music to My Ears

After having a blog for nearly a year, I finally figured out how to put on a stupid playlist! Woot! You'll find it has quite an arrangement of music. I mean, where else would you find Yellowcard, Allred and video game music all in one place? If you find another place, do tell. I would need to meet this person.

Anyway, This is only a very small selection of some of my favorites. I have far too many wonderful songs to try and put all in one playlist... plus, some of my favorites are impossible to find. Curses!

Don't you guys just love music though? I mean, it just speaks to your soul. It can totally change your mood too. Sometimes not always for the better, but it has a way of cheering me up when I am down. There is music for any thing you want, I mean really!

You wanna go run around and be crazy? They have songs for that. You wanna sit by the fire and cuddle up in a blanket? They got it!

So what I am trying to say really, is that I love music. The end. :)

With Love,

Monday, November 22, 2010

Mawwige is what bwings us togethaw, todawy.

Can I just be grown up and married now?

That'd be cool. I mean I know being married has got to have it's stressful times, not to mention a ton of responsibility, but at least it's responsibility and stress that matters. Not like being a stupid teenager. Haha but I'll get there someday.

I just want to have that husband who will adore you and treat you well and be just awesome like a husband should be. Someone who is your best friend, but loves you in a way that means more. Someone who would tease you, but then when you are feelin' blue he knows exactly what to say. Honest love. Now that'd be sweet.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

To My Wonderful Friends :)

It's one of those days where I just want to say that I love all my friends :) Cause I do. So there. Enjoy :)

This friend of mine can always make me smile,
I know that he really does care,
He will tease and tease me constantly,
But hey, I'm a girl, it's only fair.

A different friend of mine is really quite swell,
She's goofy and she's always sweet,
I'd be completely lost without this girl,
I guess she just makes me complete!

Another guy who I adore,
One who's not so normal, you could say,
Is one of the best friends I've ever had,
And I wouldn't have it any other way.

This other gal; Boy she's like my twin!
You couldn't believe how much we are alike,
Somehow she always understands,
And we've never had a stupid fight.

Yet another young fellow who is dear to me,
He's lived a troubled life,
But that doesn't stop his lovable-ness,
He's always pulled through his strife.

Oh and then there's this awesome lass,
She's so intelligent and mysteriously dark,
But I know all sorts of sides of her,
Even the one with her big softy heart.

This boy, oh my...I don't know what to say,
He's always lifted me up in times of need,
He helps me to look on the upside,
With every crazy and silly text I read.

Then there's this girl, who's always worn a smile,
I don't think it's possible for her to frown,
She's kind of like my hero,
She's the most lovable girl in town.

A guy who's always been there,
That's definitely what he's become
Even if he pokes fun at my spelling,
I know he love me in the long run.

And Someone who I've known all my life,
We've been through everything, thick and thin,
I just can't help but love this kid,
And his silly cheesy grin

All of them, do I deserve?
I'm going to say that that's a no.
Because They've done beyond so much for me,
And I love they way it shows.

So I have to say, I love you all,
And you know that it's the truth,
I couldn't ask for better friends,
To have in my crazy and psycho youth :)

With Honest Love,

Friday, November 19, 2010

Why did you have to change?

So I am kinda just not so happy with someone in my life right now. So I am going to vent some stuff... In poetry! Yay! I'm just in a grumpy mood at the moment. Maybe it's because I haven't eaten all day. Which I am about to go fix by makin' me some eggs. Anyway, have fun reading.

When I look at her eyes,
tears are filling my own...
her's are big and brown and beautiful,
and mine feel so alone.

Well she's got the smile,
That drives the boys wild,
But she doesn't seem to care
She leads them all on,
and soon she's gone;
she left them in the cold winter air.

She's always been loved,
She's become her own star,
But she never seems to see my tears.
I'm just waiting for my time to shine,
A time when they'll finally see that I'm here.

Go ahead and live in your vanity,
Be the girl everyone expects of you,
Pretend to like what you're trying to be,
And act like it's nothing new.

If only she saw why I am hurt,
Then maybe she'd understand...
I'm only envious because I feel that she's just following what the world demands

She can look on past me,
What should I care?
I'll just pretend she was never there.
And I'll give my energy to someone new,
Someone who respects me and loves me for the things that I do.

I miss the you you used to be,
but you've changed the way things are done.
So when I feel the misery,
I'll remember the person you've become.

Your hungry, upset friend,

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Autumn Night

Oh Autumn night I know you well,
Your softer light and sweeter smell,
Your chilling breeze this gentle night,
may linger on till morning light.

The days of clouds and light drizzled rain,
Can calm and soothe your heavy pains,
And burdened souls may be set forth free,
To enjoy internal serenity.

Sunrise to set, May we not forget,
And through the briskness of the night,
That the Autumn days may us reflect,
And cause our passion to ignite.

The Sweats and The Argyle Sweater

So on Tuesday, I was having a lazy and comfortable day. One of those days where you wear sweats and a big hoodie to school. The day was pretty normal all around, except that the guy I sit next to in band, named Matt, was wearing almost the same sweats as me. And we were the only ones in the classroom wearing sweats. What are the chances that the only two people in the room wearing sweats would be sitting next to each other?

First of all, I found it quite alarming, because he was the one to point this out. For the longest time I thought I scared the living daylights out of him. Frankly, I don't blame him... I say some pretty random and hyper things in band... And I'm just weird. So the fact that he initiated conversation was pretty awesome! I've been wanting to get to know him since he moved in, but I was kind of getting these vibes that he was secretly plotting to kill me or something. So it's good news! I continued my day as normal, and all was well.

So today, I decided to wear something a little more... classy, I suppose you could say. I put on my argyle sweater and jeans with holes in the knee.(you can see where this is going can't you?) I walk into band class, sit down, and I see Matt wearing an argyle sweater with jeans that have a hole in the knee. And not only that, Matt and Doctor Fullmer, the band director, were wearing virtually the same sweater. You can imagine I got a pretty good kick out of this. If we are wearing the same thing next band period, I swear he's from the future and is messing with my mind or something.

Until Next Time,

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

What the heck is this blog?! I didn't subscribe to this! Or did I?

In case you are confused, which is more than likely for the five of you who may or may not actually read this blog, don't be. It's still Hannah J, but it needed some changing around. The name came about in my math class today, and I thought this blog needed some serious renovation. So why not run with it?

It'll still be the random posts, and maybe I'll make another blog for the sappy cheesy writings and such. I feel like I need to specialize more. But for now, things will stand as usual. So I love ya guys, and I'm sure you'll hear from me soon.

Yours Truly,

Sunday, November 07, 2010

Moving on...

Life goes on... We get older. That's the way things go.
We've all got to grow up, and some grow up faster than others,
And in the end, where will we be? We all know.

Some of these days... They drive us to the verge of insanity.
We want to run away, farther and faster than ever before
But I'll give what I got. You wanna give it a shot?
I know in the end I'll wish I had given it more.

That's my half poem for the day. It's more just a quick thought.

I've realized that a lot of people I haven't had the chance to be with lately have just moved on. And they should, I don't want anyone waiting up for me. But I miss them, and I don't think they realize that. I act like an idiot, and I have troubles balancing everything. I'm human. I'm flawed. But I feel myself again, and I haven't felt myself for a while.

I don't feel as angry, or as rude or like I wanna kill someone. I don't feel like I just feel... normal. Happy, but I miss some of my friends and family. The ones that I spend time with, not the ones that seem to have changed into these new monsters or mice...

I know we all have to grow up, and that we all change... by why does it always seem to be for the worst?...

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

haklsewdfjaosdf.... yeah something like that.

I want to escape it all for a while.

Yup. All of it.

I love all the wonderful things I have in my life, like family and friends, band, hobbies and talents, and the oppertunity for education... But right now I just want to run away for a good week and cuddle up in a warm blanket, watch the snow fall while I am sitting by the fire, sipping my hot cocoa and listening to the most relaxing and meditative songs I can find.

I love people, but I want them to just learn to shut up sometimes. Like, learn to keep your mouth shut, learn when to say what, and learn to read people before you explode with some story that no one really wants to hear. Am I guilty of all these things? You betcha. But I'm working on it. I'm sure others are too, but come on. You can try a little harder.

Well I do love you all, just a bit stressed right now. So I'm off to pack for the working "vacation" that we call tour. Have a swell day.

Sunday, October 24, 2010


We're falling so fast
It's hard to believe that it's all in the past
We were broken
From day to day,
Waiting on signs and looking for a way

To find ourselves again.
We paid the price,
Look in my eyes and you'll see,
A healing heart.
And things will start to line up perfectly

And maybe we will add more to this thing later. But, that's it for now. :)

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Emotions- You kinda suck.

How can drama come into your life when you try your hardest to avoid those problems? Maybe I am just thinking too much about everything that is going on, and maybe I am just stressed an it's all adding up. Or maybe I haven't had enough drama in my life so it all decided to present itself now.

Or maybe it's not drama at all, but I am feeling like it is.

Who knows. Either way, I just feel weird about everything right now. The only thing that sounds nice is just to curl up by the fire and cuddle with some friends and laugh about stupid things all day and eat a big fat tub of rich, creamy Hagen Daz ice cream. The kind that has like 300 calories for half a cup.

And I don't mean to sound like a depressed little one, for that I am not. I generally am quite happy! But I think it's just one of those kinda feelings that hits everyone every now and again.

But on a happier note, the rain definately makes me smile. Gotta love being wrapped up in a warm hoodie while listening to the soft rain. Nothin like it. :)

Sunday, October 03, 2010

FAILURE... Meh, it ain't so bad.

You know... sometimes we all get a little bit down, and feel like we just aren't good enough for something, or that we can never be successful. I mean, have you ever just tried to do something and failed terribly? And it wasn't even an epic fail where you messed up so bad it was funny or entertaining? It just sucked?

What's that you say? You have?

Good. You're normal.

Guess what? A lot of people have failed. And not only that, a lot of very successful people have failed time and time again. Want some facts? Listen up...

The Beatles, possibly one of the most successful and famous bands in the history of music, were rejected the first time they went to a recording studio.

Walt Disney was fired from a newspaper for not having enough originality and imagination.

Good ol' Abe Lincoln had so many things happen to him and on top of the fact he lost 8 elections.

That's just to name a few, and they are some of the most iconic people in modern history. There are many others... Just look up someone famous and I am sure they had their share of failure somewhere in their life.

The thing that separates the people who fail and the people who succeed isn't the number of times they have fallen, or how bad they messed up, or how many times they were mocked and looked down upon. No, it's the fact that the people who fail gave up. They let the world get to them. They let someone else tell them what they were worth. Don't let someone else tell you what your best is. And don't limit yourself by saying you know what your best is without testing your own limits.

Yeah, I know failure sucks, we've all been there. But Just don't let it get to you. You're better than that.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Awkwardly Re-aquainted

Well today I was hanging out with some friends, some of which I hardly knew, and we played football and went to the pool and had a grand time. But I did have a werid little flash back. But we must rewind a little first...

One day in 6th grade, my brother Colton drove me and a few of my friends around for fun in his purple mini van. It was an adventure, doing donuts and driving around the block. We went past a field of guys who were playing football, and my brother (being the silly man he is) decided to stop and tell the boys he had a bunch of hot chicks in his car. The boys were in 7th or 8th grade, and they all decided to pick up one boy and shove him in the car, making both him and all the girls awkward and embarressed. But It was always a good story to tell. I thought I recognized him, but I wasn't completely sure. I had the impression it was this guy named Josh Brewer. But I wasn't going to ask him, because that's just awkward to try and explain the story if they weren't the one being shoved into the car.

Anyway, today Josh Brewer was hanging out in this little group of ours, so I decided to ask in a sort of round about way if this had happened to him. I started out by asking if he had ever played football in that field, and it took him a minute, but he eventually figured out where I was talking about. Then, before I could continue to ask him about it, he said something to the effect of "Wait, were you in that van full of girls?!" And his friend Thomas, who was one who helped shove him in the car, started laughing. I must say, it was pretty awesome. He probably felt super awkward, but I still think it's hilarious.

Well, there is my funny story for the day. Enjoy :)

Office Supplies

Well I feel like this blog has hardly any of me in it, and it feels more like just my random babble. Which, 98.9% of the time, it is. So I thought I'd add a bit of me into it.

Fun Hannah fact of the Day:
I absolutely love office supplies. You read it right, office supplies. Paper, pen, pencils, sticky notes, dry erase markers; I love them all. Office Max, Office Depot, and other such places are like is a candy stores. I mean, where else can you find paper as tall as you and little note pads that fit in your pocket? I don't really know why I like office supplies... Probably because two of my favorite things (drawing and writing) involve their use. But that's my random fact for the day.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

The Day of Joy and Non-Important-ness

Do you ever have those days where nothing really significant happens, but it just feels like a really good day? So far, it's been one of those.

For starters, I love band people. So much. They can honestly instantly make me happy. They always say hello in the halls, they always have a hug ready, they are easy to joke with, and super chill. So basically they just are the greatest people ever. Even if you royally screw up, they still love you. What good friends they are :)

Another fantastic yet microscopic event of the day involves those people who you know and enjoy, but sometimes feel like the forget you exist. I had several of those people acknowledge my presence today... on their own! Normally I am the one who acts like a total dork and smiles much to big to make them laugh and say hello, but that wasn't required. Not today! It's a great feeling knowing that extending your hand in friendship finally pays off. Especially when it's one of those guys you have a weird mini crush on. It helps the self esteem a little.

On the down side, I do have quite a lot of homework to do. It could be much worse though. I just am not a fan of doing 200 or so AP Music problems in a day. You just lose any sense of sanity after the first 20. Oh, and the one day I missed math, we had an 80 problem assignment. Not super excited for that. But whatever, gotta giter dun. So I am off to do work!

Until next time, when I will most likely write about some musical non-sense,

Hannah J.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Update? sure.

You know, I have noticed that my writing isn't all that great sometimes. And if it is, it generally seems depressed. I guess that's just when I'm not at a lack of words or something. Well Anyway, I just thought I would let you know I am not in some emotional wreck, that is assuming anyone actually reads this. Haha :)

And if anyone is actually reading this, please comment and tell me what you would like to see in this blog! Annoying updates of my life? I can do that. Silly stories? Sure thing! Poems? Already doin' that. My random crazy thoughts? Give me a subject and I will go at it! Really, I just need to know what kind of things you folks want to read. Let me know :)

With Love,

Hannah J.

Monday, September 20, 2010

The First and the Couple

The First once had looked upon his face,
Searching for his hidden desire,
A hint of a passionate burning fire,
But wounded feelings she must encase;
For she saw nothing in his face.

He looked upon another so sweet,
The Other set her eyes the same as he,
One by the other they stood for eternity,
Never apart could the two now be,
Together they seemed so concretely complete,
Once more, The First hid her mournful defeat.

How tender together the other two sang their song,
Twas fresh as the the mid morning rain,
Their love was simple and perfect and plain,
Longer the First suffered the bitter-sweet pain,
She loved the two with emotion so strong,
Though the bond seemed to perfect, the timing was wrong.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

The Shroud

This vacant place inside swallows me as the night surrounds my soul,
Deeper still, I fall victim to it's irrefutable call.
Suspects of it's malicious pain are those who cause me joy,
How can these people so close to me bring the feelings that also destroy?
Is it my lack of better judgement?
The pace of which we bond?
The times of which they be the ones I must fall back upon?
The deeper the connection runs, the farther pain can reach,
This is a vital lesson that only experience may teach.
How pale we all seem to be, in this moon lit lack of color,
The same we all shall be by fade of it's light,
And while physically we shall sit together,
We sit alone by the blackest shroud of night.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Sweeter Days

Well today I was listening to some fantasic piano music, composed by Kyle Landry on youtube, and I fell in love with his song called "Lonely".
Here is the link if you care to hear it.

Anyway, I just love the song. So I wrote the kind of feeling I got from it. Not meant to be lyrics, just the inspiration the song gave me.

You know I'll always be here,
I'll stand here at your side,
We'd fight off any darkness,
We could fill the whole night sky,

But you have her eyes to gaze on,
Her smile- soft and sweet.
Often times I feel so distant,
But yet closer still I reach.

I'll stand here just for you,
Even if I stand apart,
If nothing draws us closer,
I know I've followed through to heart,

I'll stand alone,
Knowing I gave you my all,
I have to thank you for every moment,
Both good or bad, big or small.

So I leave you with this message,
That I loved you from the start,
I've loved you every moment,
In my soul and in my heart.

This must be our last goodbye,
as we walk our seperate ways,
I'll smile for every thing we had,
For our old and sweeter days.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Live in the Now

Why boast of the past, When the past is a long ways gone?
Some live on the glory of a far retired dawn.

Caught up in their vanity, They fail to achieve,
Nor do I believe that they begin to precieve

A much larger picture has yet to unfold,
With greater potential then the stories they've told.

So keep your chin high, Strong will you stand,
Show us you take pride in the moment at hand.

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

The Gardens

Preparing to form my garden, I found I had such little space
So instead of planting greenery, I planted nothing in it's place
The soil was finely tended to, the earth was so well tilled,
The seeds of absense were the seeds with which this earth was filled.
The nothing in the garden grew- devoid of my assist,
I left the gardend to itself, knowing I would not be missed.
I had such absense growing, that I never the need to expand,
The little garden boundaries were the same as they now stand.
The garden was so well limited, with pavement all around,
No empty slots were open, no more room for garden grounds.
That's when my plans were forced to change, for fresh seeds had taken root,
Bearing such enticing and such unexpected fruit.
Though sweet and lucious fruit it was, no longer could it stay,
The garden's lack of nourishment had sent the fruit away.
My garden still stands as it was, and I feel the tart remorse-
The painful, bitter after taste of not planning a wiser course.
As I stand on barren ground, where great potential once had stood,
I feel that empty feeling of not giving what I could.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Be Alive

Okay so I have never written a song before, but my friend told me to try it out. So I did. It might be a bit cheesy, but whatever. I enjoyed writing it. :)

(first verse)
You follow the feeling-
You've kept it so strong
But you've been so broken,
Nothing feels right
And nothing feels wrong

(second verse)
You lost your inner self,
The light had left your eyes,
You were still a part of her,
But you needed to see,
To realize-

(pre chorus)
You can find yourselves inside
The better part you cannot hide

Because this is your time,
The day is yours to chase
Lose those bitter memories
in a far off distant place.
You've gotta fight till you live
You can believe and forgive,
Today You'll be alive

(third verse)
Stop pulling yourself down,
You still have things to do,
Don't fake what you are,
You know what's true,
You know what's you.

(pre chorus variation with dramatic build in music)
You have found yourself inside,
The better part you couldn't hide

(suddenly softer music, eventually builds to chorus)
Because this is your time,
The day is yours to chase
you can lose those bitter memories
in a far off distant place.
You've gotta fight till you live
You can believe and forgive,
Today You'll be alive

And when you really hear these words you'll know
Those better parts now start to show,
And now you're finally
(long note with slight pause)

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

One of those posts.

You know, I hate feeling like everything you do is useless. I have felt this a lot recently, not gonna lie. I don't know if I think about stuff too much, but I feel like I am not doing anything for the world. I want to help, but every attempt is... well, useless. Not to mention that I feel like these useless tasks are taking up valuable time I will NEVER get back. Let's take for example the skills we try so hard to improve. In the end, do they matter? Not really. To your teacher who is giving you a grade, maybe. But that really is about it.

Clarinet? useless.
Guitar? useless.
Art? useless.
Poetry? useless.
Writing this blog? useless.

When will I use these thigns in my life? Probably never. Let's be honest here, I most likely don't have the drive to compete with everyone else who becomes successful at these things and actually manages to live off of it.

And Anything that is worthwhile, is generally nearly impossible to obtain. Like the classes I think will actually apply to my life, are of course- classes I can't take untill I'm a junior or senior. Or, things that are insanely expenseive. College comes to mind.

And I am a bit socially/emotionally spent. You know those times when you try so hard to please everyone, but it's bascially impossible? Yeah, that basically is my life. I feel like I always let someone down, or I am never social enough, or I can't provide what someone needs. And it eats at me!

I don't know if anyone actually understands what I am trying to say half the time, so that doesn't help. Maybe I am just overly complicated? I thought I was pretty simple, but whatever. It would just be nice to have someone who understands what you are trying to say all the time. I don't even know if that is humanly obtainable, but it doesn't hurt to hope for it.

And having only one person to talk to makes it difficult as well. I can't talk to just anyone about these type of things, ya know? You start to sound self absorbed and selfish, and just like a jerk. I mean, when I get going on something, I usually go off about everything in my life, and it woudl just be nice to have someone listen. I don't want them to solve my problems, I want to just freakin talk to someone.

But parents just seem to want to fix the problem, or tell you what you are doing wrong. Not what you need to hear when you are just venting. The majority of friends lose interest after one story, or they some how manage to turn the conversation to themselves.

Basically this is just a post to talk to some person without talking to them. Sounds crazy, but whatever. It does help a bit, so why not give it a shot?

Monday, July 26, 2010


I can't understand.
I feel so confused.
I feel oh so loved,
Yet I feel... simply used.

I know that he's caring,
I know he's for real,
But does he honestly believe,
What he tells me he feels?

What does it mean,
When I think to let go?
Am I going insane?
Or do my true feelings show?

He treats me with love,
But yet there is something he lacks...
Or is it just me,
Not cutting him slack?

I should know by now,
Exactly where I stand,
I just find it hard to solve
The puzzle that's at hand.

I don't want to hurt him,
Or cause myself pain,
I just want to stop
Before we both lose at this game.

I don't want to lose him,
But I think that it's time.
It's been lingering here
In the back of my mind.

I know that we'd be happier,
If only we we,re appart.
But he should know that he'd still have a place right here...
A place within my heart.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

The Phantom Train

This train has no tracks, but yet it leads ever beyond-
Forward marches the engine to it's melancholy song.
Complimentary is the journey for those who choose to ride,
But those who haven't "paid the cost" are those who cannot hide.

For the land is no-man's land from which this train departs,
Leading on the souls of those who have departed from their hearts.
And the living have no place among the train's solemn coaches,
But the dead are free to enter as their rail car slowly approaches

So until we reach the day when your time has come and gone,
Remember to steer clear of that engine's groaning song.
Your soul will then cross over, when you have nothing left to gain,
The lost, the hopeless, the deceased, all pass on- by way of the Phantom Train.


Have you really carried over what you used to hold so dear?
These superficial glances are confirming all my fears.

You never honestly cared about who I am or what I'm to be,
you just wanted to use me up, and steal the better part of part of me.

You treat me like it's a pity that a girl should be as I,
But you won't let me go, I'm your limitless supply...

If you ever need a booster, someone to tell you of your worth,
I treat you as you're gold, while I'm lowly simple dirt.

I'm the girl who doesn't matter, the one who's always there,
The one who doesn't care about your perfectly done hair.

If I am to make a mistake, you've been quick to be my judge,
Even when I've let it go, you still seem to hold the grudge.

I'm the friend who entertains, who always follows through,
Who keeps your smallest secrets, accepts the things you do.

But when the others crowd around, I am lost and left behind,
Have I so simply been swept away from the spaces of your mind?

I'm exhausted of your lying, your tiresome deceit,
So I'm retreating from this battle of imminent defeat.

It's clearly been here from the start, the truth from long before,
It's not the me that I hold inside- it's the surface you adore.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

The Wind

The wind that sways the aspen trees,
The salty air of the ocean breeze,
From high altitudes to level seas,
There's something in this air we breath,

By it's life we hear a child's cry,
And the absence of compels fire to die,
We feel it's might as it rushes by,
And it's gentle caress in a subtle sigh,

Our lives and the air have much the same,
They seem to rejoice in the fast paced game,
They switch so suddenly with no one to blame,
And neither one can be utterly tamed.

Our lives can change in seconds flat,
Much like the wind we are feeling at our backs,
No need to feel like you're under attack,
It's simply the start of the next big act,

So embrace the change and you'll realize,
It gives you a chance to revitalize,
Rejuvenate and sensationalize,
You can view the world with a new set of eyes.

Sunday, June 13, 2010


Happiness depends on two?
Oh what do we do,
If it depends on two?
I believe you need a bit of a clue,
Happiness is not dependant on two,
Two will not do.

Happiness depends on you.

Happiness depends on one,
That's how it's done,
It comes from one.
Your happiness, joy, love and fun,
Have all begun
With a single one.

It all depends on one.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Tomorrow Night

So funny story... While I was writing this one I was listening to music on Pandora, and a song came on. The song was "I've got my love to keep me warm". I found this ironic. Haha but anyway, enjoy the poem :)

I knew this room was cold,
But it's bite is settling in,
And baby you're not here,
To warm my chilling summer skin.

I want your arms around me,
I want to feel your steady breath,
I want to snuggle up beside you,
And hear the beating from your chest.

You bring me a feeling of comfort,
But it's one I've hardly known,
A sweet and pleasant feeling,
Of not feeling so alone.

My hands are feeling lonely,
My arms are awfully cold,
This must be that longing
From a heart that has been sold.

So I'll lay here on my bed,
And while I think of you tonight,
I'll pretend that I'm right next to you,
Waiting to be held so tight.

And maybe you'll be here....
Tomorrow night.

Saturday, June 05, 2010

The Devil's Craft... Learn to Fight Back.

Thoughts are lingering,
In the shallow, empty spaces
That are encased inside myself.
Finding them, -growing, thriving-
Controlling my motives.

I am confused.

I am lost.

These thoughts are consuming my motivation.
Destroying my inner peace.

Can I do this? My power is gone...
My feelings of terror continue to press on.


No more.
This is my choice.

Leave me.
Let me be.
I'm sick of your negativity.

You cannot tell me what I cannot do.
I'm tired and I'm hurt, but I can still pull through.

Go ahead, test me. I dare you to try.
I'm going to keep fighting till the day that I die.

My measure is one that cannot be contained.
No limits, no boundaries- No more playing this game!

If I can't deal with you I don't deserve that great prize,
I'm breaking the chain, say your final goodbyes.

I'm never done.

I will press on.

Sunday, May 16, 2010


... It's been a while since I have posted anything, so I am just going to share one of those random poems I wrote. This one is more about the sound than the meaning. (meaning that I just basically had random words come into my head and wrote them down) so enjoy! :)

The creases and folds
of our minds foretold
the vengeance we soon shall gain

And the sands on the earth
Shall quiver and quake
As we reemerge from our endeavoring pain

The patches in time
and the bitter sweet wine
Held the key to the beneficial end

Yet we plotted and craved-
with the sorrows we saved-
To unleash that ruthless old friend.

Thursday, April 01, 2010

My Heart's Story

This is one of my not so happy poems, but I thought I would share it with you anyway! Haha enjoy? :)

My Heart's Story

Crack my ribs open and pull out my heart;
It's torn and it's broken, and it's falling apart.

It needs a few stitches from a firm gental hand,
to mend it and help it to beat right again.

Right now it's not perfect; or close to at that,
I can feel that it's slipping... It's fading out fast.

My heart just need someone to help it beat right,
All on it's own it doesn't put up a fight.

It won't fight for love, it won't fight for emotion,
But someday it will because of someones devotion

To help me grow stronger and to help me fight back,
At the fear of rejection or the courage I lack.

For now it beats weakly inside of my chest,
To endure through the hardest of time's brutal test.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Ranting. Because it's good for the soul.

Well today I just need to rant about random crap. Because I am rather irritated right now. (Don't get me wrong, I love my family so much, but right now I am a bit irritated)

First, my parents have moved the big screen upstairs. This irritates me. Why? Because the upstairs living room is for family to sit around and talk, not for watching stuff on a giant big screen. It belongs in the den for people to play rock band and watch football with the sound system. Big screens and sound systems and gaming go hand in hand... Family talking and big screen? not so much. Also, I don't think my mother is going to like it much when me and my friend are all sitting in the family room watching movies and yelling and playing around late at night. She says it will be fine, but I don't think she will be as okay with it when there is popcorn on the floor and soda bottles on her table. Maybe that is just me. Whatever. Am I crazy to think that the big TV belongs in the den? It just fits better.

Mostly I am just irritated that I feel like my parents refuse to listen to me. Believe it or not I can think logically. Maybe we just have a huge communication issue. That might be because I don't want to sound like a brat when I talk to them, so I never get to say everything I want to. Like about the whole getting a permit thing, or getting a job. (see how bratty I sound? It irritates me. I can't say anything without beign a moody stupid teenager)

I just don't feel like I fit in the family. I hate doing things with family that involve technology (TV, for example, making the whole TV upstairs thing worse). I hate it when they talk about World of Warcraft. I hate it when I am the only one there who isn't an adult. I hate it when I can't do anything because I am just a kid. I hate it when my brothers say stuff that makes me feel like I am just their inferior little sister who doesn't know anything. I hate it when I feel like I can't be noticed for anything. I'm not married or having kids, I just am not fitting in here. This is why I wish I had little siblings, or someone closer to my age.

Yup. That about sums it up for right now.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

I Am

Well my friend showed me a nifty little site for what's called an "I Am" Poem. I liked it quite a bit! So I decided to share mine with you.

I Am

I am loyal and genuine
I wonder if others see my flaws
I hear your troubled past
I see the potential you have
I want to help those in a way no other can
I am loyal and genuine

I pretend I'm almost perfect.
I feel the drive to do what's right
I touch the lives of others through example
I worry if I do enough
I cry for all my missed chances
I am loyal and genuine

I understand that it's more complicated that I know
I say "You know I'm always here"
I dream about being with someone
I try to help it hurt less
I hope you love me as much as I love you
I am loyal and Genuine

Here is the link if you want to make your own nifty poem :)

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Fleece Snuggie

(note, this poem is super cheesey, but that's just the way I am. And it involves a snuggie, I had to write it. Because let's face it, who doesn't want a snuggie?)

Well you and me,
could cuddle inside my fleece snuggie

watching over the city lights,
On those beautiful moon-lit nights,

It'd be just you and me,
and my fleece snuggie.

One sleeve is for you,
the other for me,
And our hands would
fit eachother's perfectly

it'd be just you and me,
together in my fleece snuggie.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Midnight Sky

You and I,
The midnight sky,
Our past day dreams go drifting by,

Stars so bright-
A spectacular sight-
Illuminate their brilliant light,

Night now gone,
At the break of Dawn,
Shows the Cosmos' light withdrawn,

The Day goes by,
We watch the sky-
Silently- Just you and I

Daylight Savings....

Okay so I was thinking that daylight savings is kind of like that annoying kid you wish would just go away, but he always comes back, he always tries to talk to you in the halls when they have nothing to say and end up making you late for class. And sleep, sleep is like that really cute guy you just can't get enough of. Sure, you talk with him, think about him, and want to be with him, but it's still just not enough. So finally, when you get a chance to be with that cute guy for a nice amount of time, the annoying one comes and scares him off.

So what I am trying to say here is... Daylight saving sucks! I was finally starting to get a decent amount of sleep each night, and now I am going to be late for school. I am positive. Getting up at 5 am now? That would be like getting up at 4 before daylight savings, not to mention getting to bed an "hour" later. What seems like 11 is actually midnight. Wonderful. Screw you daylight savings!

Saturday, March 13, 2010

What if?

What if,
Just in the time I have known you,
I fell for you?

What would you do?

If I fell,
Would you fall too?

What if,
when my heart is beating,
I can't stop thinking,

If only you knew,
I only wish I had someone like you.

That's only if I fell for you.

What would you do?

And if this poem,
was a hint or a clue,
It would have to be the most honest and true,

Because in all honesty,
I really can't help but fall for you.

A smile upon his face

He lies oh so calmly,
in a catatonic state,
Lying, simply lying, With a smile upon his face.

Broken, bloodied and beaten,
Within an angel's embrace-
still lying there, with that smile upon his face

No ones arms to be held in,
No gentle soul to close his eyes,
But yet He still smiles, as his body simply lies.

The hours pass, his strength is long since lost...
The value of our freedom
Is as heavy as it's cost.

With pride in his heart and loved ones on his mind,
His soul soon passes over,
But his smile is locked in time

Our country's valued soldier -honorable and brave-
Smiles in his resting place,
A shallow, unmarked grave.

A mental debate while ill...

Emotions: What? We're sick? Do you know what this means Logic?!
Logic: That the immune system hates us?
Emotions: No, no dear friend! It means Pokemon 2000 and Orange Juice from a sippy straw! How euphoric!
Logic: I see no logical reasoning in this. The physical body is being treated as though it is a biological wasteland, and you find... joy?
Emotions: Oh come now! You must remember, Childhood Memories? He's in the cubical just to your left, the one you usually ignore. Such a pity it is, you two really should try to get along... It makes me ever so sad to see you two so distant....
Logic: Oh yes... the fool who seemed to never listen to me. What does HE have to do with this?
Emotions: Please, you were hardly developed at the time. I still don't think you have settled yourself in yet. Anyway, You know as well as I that the immune system and us here in the mind have never gotten along to well, since our unit was a toddler... We often spent time in a state of diseased discomfort. Childhood memories took up the opportunity and made a deal with Traditions that we must always rely on two things in times of such ailment. 1. Pokemon 2000, the movie of childhood delight, and 2. Orange Juice through a sippy straw for the vitamins needed to recover. Of course, the sippy straw was made a requirement because of age, now made as another task for Traditions to remember.
Logic: Hey, it's not my fault that our unit refuses to listen to me. She wouldn't have been ill so often if she didn't chew on everything she could get her hands on. Even if I wasn't developed, that was in Common Sense's department. I still cannot see how you are so elated about this, it does not compute.
Emotions: Of course not! That isn't your department anyway, you arrogant fool.

The repetitive game

A trap-
You slip,
it grips-
you fall.

Your heart-
it trips,
it rips-
you crawl.

Your knees-
they ache
they quake-
you stop.

Your mind-
and replays it all.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Her Tree- Introduction

His pocket watch had struck 7:47 PM. The memories flood through his mind; the mental dam could no longer hold back the furry of their haunting presence. Had once more the cries of his heart escaped their chamber? Could he no longer hide his emotions in the black abyss in which they were once concealed? The woods, the path, he remembered the stinging recollection all to well- as if scorched upon his destitute mind.

Unconsciously he wandered forward, not acknowledging the way which his mind had led him. He shed a tear during the review of his tainted, inescapable past. Was the wrenching emotional toil he must endure worth the salvation? With his mind still pondering this thought, he continued to tread upon the unbeaten path that led to the source of his painful reminiscence- her tree.