Monday, February 28, 2011


Yes! No? No!! Yes!... Yes? Yes/no? Uh...

I don't know.

Social life random-ness explosion. I love people. I dislike when things feel wrong with people. Things need to be right, and they often feel like they get all jumbled up in the big mess of society. Boo.

Either way, I love you all. There. Bam.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

May I say that there is nothing better than blasting music when you feel a little down? Because it is truth. Blasting the Beatles? Even better! Especially when your brother randomly buys you a nice new sound system. I love my brother so very much, I wish to repay him soon. He comes to my concerts and buys me stuff just because he can and he cares. Thank you brother. :)

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Yeeeaaaahhh... woot.

I am such a facebook addict. I never thought I was until I told myself I am going at least a week without it. This is just sad. Every Time I sit down at the computer, I open a new page and start to type "face" and nearly click the link. Then I type in blogger instead as fast as I can to try to avoid my facebook addiction. Come to think of it, I probably spend too much time on this thing. But it's better than facebook. It serves me some purpose, and people who actually care read it. It has a little more "me" than facebook does... which may or may not be a good thing. But that's beside the point.

I am slowly depending less on social media. Yay! That's the goal at least. To try to make time for the things that actually matter in my life. I did some of my homework today, which is a good sign. I practiced my clarinet, which is required considering the stuff we have to do in the next few weeks. I am scared for my life. I don't know if I can learn this stuff, or play it any time soon. I honestly want to cry a little bit. Not because it's hard, but because I feel like I can't physically learn it. Music can look so intimidating on paper. Not to mention that solo ensemble is tomorrow, and I don't even know if my pianist can make it. Shoot me now please. And I know I can't go to state because I have my music from the Internet, so why should I even go? I just need a good hug to calm me down. Yeah, that'd be good.

Life is alright! I can do this!

With love and and awkward half forced smile,

Monday, February 21, 2011

I love my Daddy

I love my father. I love all my family of course, but I recently have been reminded what a good man he is. And how much I love him.

So on saturday, my brother did something that really made me mad (understatement of the week). Some of you may think that I never get mad, which is generally true. But what my brother did pushed me over the line. I managed to control myself from reacting, (besides saying things in my head and possibly calling him a not so nice name to his face) which was good. While sitting at the kitchen table the next day, my mom was told me not to be so mad at my brother, and that I should let it go. We filled in my dad on what happened, and he didn't say much. I then said that I had never been so tempted to flip someone off in my life. He began to smile, almost to say that he would have approved. Thank you father, for taking my side. (just to clarify, I never did flip him off, nor have I ever flipped anyone off, and I don't plan to.)

And, today, I decided to talk to him a bit. I told him that a cute guy had gotten my number somehow and he texted me randomly. He then replied "Oh it wasn't random." I was confused, so I asked him to clarify. "Well, he meant to text you right?" I nodded. "Then it wasn't random." My daddy sure knows how to make me smile. We then talked for a good long while, and I felt a lot better about almost everything going on in life. He makes me feel like I am worth something, and that what I say matters. I love that man.

What can I say? I'm a daddy's girl.


Sunday, February 20, 2011

Music and Emotions

There are a couple songs that I have been stuck on recently. I just can't help but listen to them before bed. One night, I couldn't fall asleep. I pulled out my little random writing notebook and listened to the song, writing down the first words that popped into my head. I guess you could call it poetry...? It doesn't have rhyme or meter or anything that I usually do, but I liked it enough to share it. I've now gone through and put down the rough words into a more organized format and built on it. It's nothing fancy, and probably kind of lame, so I hope I don't ruin your image of these songs. Because no matter what you feel from them, they are very powerful.

I would recommend listening to the song then reading it, or vise-versa. Or reading it while listening. It doesn't quite match up with length of course, but the words to respond to certain parts of the song. Enjoy

(Clair De Lune by Debussy)

To lie in some one's arms,
Comfort recognized and shown.
Smiling softly in some one's embrace.
Ah, what feelings warm my heart.
Will I know such honest love?
Or will I sit in the dark for a time,
Waiting for someone to steal me away?

Day dreams, only day dreams,
To live in while the sun shines on my skin.
What beautiful dreams they are.
It brings me hope, that someday...
I can feel their sweetness
Their purity and warmth.

The endless pleasure and the endless care,
That two can bring together.
They give unselfishly,
They give up some hopes to build other realities,
To find their true happiness,
Together as one.
One, and only one.

The warmth that comes when two can rely on each other.
I wait in those day dreams,
That someday they will be real.
A reality which I would gladly accept

(A Lark Ascending by Van Williams)

Emotions that pull from the depth of the soul,
Yearning to be set free
From the logic that keeps them caged.
To sing sweetly from the heart,
And give breath to that which lies dormant-
Give others the courage to be heard from within.

Let it be known that we breath a sigh of relief when we sing with such fullness,
Now we may rest and be whole,
no longer fearing that which composes our very being.

Sparks of energy ignite excitement,
And pulls our humor from the gloom that
seems to cloud any daily lack of love.

Yet at the end of it all,
When are we without love?
What moment goes by without passion?
Gloom and despair are nothing
but a product of a love unfulfilled.

Sing again sweet lark,
Ascend to meet the creator of love himself.

With love,

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Sou-clari-guard. My Very Own Section!

I'm beginning to feel like the ultimate band nerd.

Okay, I don't quite deserve that title, because I sure have a lot to learn. But, I am slowly getting there :)

And by "I have a lot to learn" I mean an entire instrument, and how to march all different ways. Because it is looking like I will be playing the beastly sousa for the Pearl Harbor Project. Basically, it will be a party. Heck yeah!

Confused? Good!

It's not official, but it might be tomorrow. I told DF that if he needed someone to switch to low brass, I was more than willing. But we never really did anything about it. As it turns out, two of the sousas will not be able to go now, so they are needing the extra support. So yay for sousa!

Now I am fairly certain that everyone in band will be confused as to what I do. People last year knew me as the clarinet player in concert band. People this year know me as the color guard girl and clarinet player. People next year will know me as a sousa, clarinet player who hangs around with the guard. Next year, if I try out as drum major and make it, they would know me as the sousa clarinetist guard girl who some how managed to make drum major, and has a purple trumpet. I feel like I should take percussion, just to cover all my bases. (Ha! Bases... like bass drum. No pun was intended. [yes, I honestly laughed out loud when I realized what I said. I am that lame.])

...Are you starting to see what I mean by ultimate band nerd here?
I'm loving it :)

With strange, band-crazed love,

Monday, February 14, 2011

Love the Lovely Lyrics

Well it's Valentines day for real now, and I had this crazy idea. Take a bunch of love songs, listen for your favorite lyric, and try to make a sentence/paragraph sort of thing that makes some sort of sense. It's not too hard when you use only love songs. I may have to try this with other typs of songs sometime, because this was really fun. :)

Haha just take it as it is. It sounds kinda super-creepy-stalker-ish. But it was too fun to not post.

"So what, I'm not your average girl... (but)"
"If I fell in love with you,"
"Would you lie with me and just forget the world?"
"(Would) it be forever(?) Or I'll never fall in love"
"I don't mind... you're someone that ain't mine."
"I wonder if i called (him), would I creep (him) out just like a stalker?"
"I talk myself in, I talk myself out, I get all worked up, then I let myself down"
"It might not be the right time, You might not be the right one, but..."
"I wanna hold your hand"
"When it's darkest and no one cares, I will hear you"
"I'm here, with you, beside you"
"And I will try to fix you"
"Oh all the things I've felt, but never really shown..."
"You belong with me"

Happy Valentines Day! :)

Sunday, February 13, 2011

That's Why There's a Holiday For It!!

It's about that time of the year again. The day when every single is surrounded by couples celebrating love. Ahh what a terrible holiday.

"Love isn't real!! That's why there's a holiday for it!!"... Spoken like a true cynic!

But it's not all so bad. My parents always give the kids something for Valentine's Day, and since everyone was at the house today, they gave out the gifts early. I sat quietly in the corner of the kitchen while each brother and his wife received a lovely basket with chocolate and popcorn and other such things for a couples movie night. My father then presented me with my box of chocolates, a candle and a card. The card contained an itunes gift card for 25 bucks. Ooh parents, you know me so well. It's like they planed me this perfect single's-valentine's-day-survival kit.

I actually don't hate Valentine's Day all that much. It's fun to make cards and baked goods for your friends and loved ones. I enjoy being nice to my pals. But it'd be nice to be somone's valentine for once. Til then, I will continue to make ridiculous cards and yummy foods.

With Love,

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Thanks for a Great Day :)

Today was... nice. :)
For the first time in a while, I felt really happy about the day. Sure, math made me want to cry on the inside a little bit, but other than that, I felt fantastic! I felt appreciated, and interesting, and cared about. I was excited, I was energetic, I felt alive. Woot! It's funny how a few little things can change your day.

Over all, my classes went well. I did almost all my homework (stupid math...) and I felt good about my classes. I've made a friend in my history class, which helps me to stay awake a little better. Mr. Larsen now trusts me to run the system for him in AP music while basically everyone is gone on tour, so I feel trusted, which is nice. And Shelton just makes me laugh (Need I say more?). I recieved hugs from many of the people who I never get hugs from, which was just awesome. The basketball game was just amazing! I got to play baritone, hang with some of my favorite people, eat food, get a massage, and watch an amazing come back and win. It was great!

Another great thing about today is that I actually had a conversation with someone after school. Not just a quick "hey, how are ya?" "Good! you?" "Swell!" kind of small talk conversation, but an actual conversation that involved multiple topics! He just sat down next to me, and bam! Words were exchanged. I never knew it was so simple. I guess I am just too shy to approach someone and get to know them by talking. I'm not much of an ice breaker, but I appreciate it when other people are (mostly because I don't want to say something stupid or uneducated, or seem like I am as socially awkward as I am [you see, this is why I act crazy sometimes, is because I can't socialize like a normal human. Go figure.]).

I don't think I have had one of those good talks with anyone besides my best friend in a really, really long time. In fact, I don't know if I have ever had a real conversation in person with someone I am not ridiculously close to. It was really refreshing, and a much better way to socialize. Heck, it was fun! I feel like I am actually gaining a friendship instead of a synthetic friendship. It makes me hate the fact that I rely so heavily on facebook and text for social contact when I could do something like that more often.

I think the best thing about today was that over all, I felt noticed. I wasn't all dolled up and cute, but I felt cute, and most importantly, myself. I felt like people wanted to be with me for who I am. I was comfortable being in my over-sized hoodie and hat. I haven't really had people come and make the effort to honestly socialize with me before, so I really appreciated it.

Yeah, this post isn't all that exciting. Frankly, the text sounds boring and repetitive. And it's not very well put together. But I had to let the people out there know that I am really greatful for all they do for me. Apparently I have troubles expressing it properly, so I'll just say this. Thank you. You guys know who you are :) I couldn't ask for better people in my life.

I know you're never gonna let me down :)

With love,

Monday, February 07, 2011

100 Posts and I still Don't Have Anything Important to Say!

Happy 100th post! Yay for me writing way to many pointless things! :D

Anyway, down to business.

Education perplexes me. We took a practice ACT in English, and I didn't think I did that well. I missed 10 of the questions, so I felt like I wasn't doing so hot. Turns out I had the highest score in the class, by about 7 questions. If I remember correctly, I got a 29 as a score. Not only that, but technically that's good enough to get into BYU.

Say what??

While BYU isn't a college I am really set on going to (unless it's BYU Hawaii [and most probably think I am crazy for not having my heart set on BYU]), I felt pretty good knowing I was eligible get in. I've always been under the impression that you had to be perfect to get into BYU, so I felt pretty good watching everyone yell at me in disgust and jealousy. Especially when I didn't think I did that well.

I needed that, because I have felt like an epic fail when it comes to school. Everyone has these perfect 4.0's and they take incredibly hard classes, and I can't seem to maintain a decent grade until the end of the term in certain classes. Someone please explain to me how my brain works. Why can I do fantastic on tests like practice ACTs and Get nearly a perfect score on the DRP, but I can't get all A's? Someone train me or something. I think the potential is there, I just can't seem to motivate myself to work. Time to kick my butt into gear!!

Love, your highly confused friend,

Sunday, February 06, 2011

Job? Glee? What?

I think I just became a Gleek...

Wait, what??

So I just watched my frist episode of Glee, and I must say it was pretty entertaining. The song was super crazy! And it made me want to dance! I needed that. Even though I have no idea who the characters are, or any of what's going on socially, I thought it was pretty good. I hear it can be sketchy, but this episode wasn't too bad. So I am going to have to keep up on this.

On a different note, I am going to be applying for jobs this next week. Yikes! Zumies, Graywhale, and Vans. The people I talked to were AWESOME! Haha I will have a blast if I work at any of these places. And if I do end up getting a job, I hope that you will come visit me! :D

Friday, February 04, 2011


It's about time I made a good change for myself. I think I will do that! Goals would be a good start. So, here it goes.

- Do my homework. And actually try to get good grades by learning. Yes, I can pass my classes with a pretty good grade in most cases without really trying, but then I feel like I haven't gotten anything out of it. Let's fix that.

-Practice music more often. Clarinet, Guitar, and AP music stuff, not to mention potentially low brass. I've got plenty to work at, so might as well do it.

- Start doing things I enjoy again. I love sketching and painting, going on walks, writing poems, and lots more. I can spend more time doing that.

- Have a real social life. Virtual ones are great, but I need to get out there and socialize more in person instead of through facebook or texting. Real friends are more fun.

- Read more. I don't read for pleasure really, which is probably weird. I just need to find some good books that have deeper meaning rather than a semi entertaining plot. Got any suggestions?

- As much as I hate to say the next two, I need to start working out and keeping my room sparkling clean. Between both of those, I should be in a better mood more often.

- Stop worrying about social things. I don't worry to a large extent, but I worry about them often. That puts me in a not so great mood. So I should stop worry about boys and friends and things like that so often. Real friends will stick around, and boys will always come and go. The people who care and matter will never give up on you. That's the important thing.

- Start establishing who I am and stop being pushed around. I like to please people too much, and sometimes it hurts me in the end. So I will do what I think is best for everyone, not just what I think is best for them. That means I have got to be more real and make rules for myself. I am still always going to look out for others, but I need to make sure I am not making things harder on myself too.

- Just love everyone. I try to do that already, but there is always room for improvement. :)

Do you have any suggestions or goals you are making for yourself? Or ones you think I could add on to my list? Please share!


Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Somewhere Only We Know

I forgot how much I love this song. I forgot how much I love Keane in general. But this song, no matter how over rated it may seem, is one that I will always love. I started learning it on guitar yesterday, and it's probably already one of my favorite ones to play. It's got variety in the music! It's not the C, D and G chords over and over again like a ton of songs are. Yay! :D

Music just makes me want to fall in love. I don't know about you, but there is nothing like music to make me just want to be with a special someone, even if it's not a love song. I have the music, just not a someone. But it'll come with time... right? Until then I will pretend I have a someone. They will dance like an idiot with me to my favorite music :)