Thursday, December 30, 2010

Smiling is my Favorite

I kinda love your smile. True story. I like it when people smile in general, but you have a particularly nice smile.

"Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing."
-Mother Teresa

There is something about a guy's smile that can slap a smile on my face too. A smile makes a man handsome! An honest smile is trustworthy! Ah there is so much to be said for a good smile. Maybe they don't notice, but it makes my day a little brighter.

It does make me wonder though, do they ever think about my smile? I hope so. When I smile, I mean it! I like to smile, but you can tell when it's forced. So if I am smiling around you, it usually means that I enjoy being with you. Or you make me really happy. Or I might even like you. You'll never really know I guess! :)

You never know who is looking at your smile, so why not show it off, eh?

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Teddy Bear! :D

I've decided that my teddy bear is a babe. Yes, I still have teddy bears. Don't judge. Don't hate. But you can be jealous.

He has wonderfully soft black fur, and rich brown eyes. He's big and squishy and cuddly. He's been at my side for a few years now, he always listens, and he makes a wonderful pillow. (Who needs a pillow pet when you have a legit teddy bear?) He's just awesome sauce. Despite the fact that his name has changed a few times in the past, he has never let me down!

(insert intended image of teddy bear here. Stupid card reader isn't reading anything... Technology hates me.)

On another note, I have decided that I really need to get out more. Being home is driving me crazy. For heaven sakes I'm blogging about my teddy bear. And you know you have been playing games too long when you turn off the lights and still expect to see some sort of visor control panel in the dark. (at least I beat the stupid giant rock monster... piece of junk.)

Yeah... I need my license. Or a job. Or friends who can drive.
Maybe all of the above.

With love,

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Boys are...

There are many adjectives to describe boys. And I have have a few words to describe most of the boys I know. These boys are:

• Confusing
• Hard to read
• Admirable
• Good to talk to
• Loveable
• Generally not dramatic
• Trustworthy
• Occasionally day dream worthy
• Awkward... in a good way
• Insane
• Not over complicated
• Comforting
• Sweet
• Obnoxious
• Wonderful

Over all, I love boys. But not just any boys. I love my boys :)

Monday, December 27, 2010

Why am I up? It's 4 in the morning. Now I don't want to sleep because I know I'll get up late. And I hate getting up late. But I don't want to be sleep deprived. Son of a gun! Why am I doing this to myself? I love sleep. But I really don't want to sleep because I know I'll wake up late or tired or a mixture of the two. I'm so gonna suffer for this. Oh well.

Tomorrow, I'm going to bed early.

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes

"Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet."

"We cannot wish for that we know not"

"Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything."
-Napoleon Hill

"Your feet will bring you to where your heart is.”
Irish Proverb

So what I am starting to think is that the business of love and life gets pretty tricky. We just gotta try to figure it out.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas is a Time for Love!

Well it's that time of year! A time when we all can come together and celebrate. Christmas is a beautiful time, because it brings people together. It's made me realize that I really do love a lot of people, and I should stop treating them so crummy. I don't exactly appreciate everyone I have, so let me make this clear- I love you! And I am not just saying that in a casual way, because love has become such an over used word. I honestly love you, no matter how well I know you. My heart is boiling over with love for so many people, it's not even funny. But it sure does make me smile :)

About two years ago I lost my grandma right before Christmas. I didn't realize how much I loved having her around until she was gone. That's when all my guilt hit me, for all the times I never went to her house to visit, for all those times I rolled my eyes when we stayed at their house for longer than we expected. I felt like such a jerk. She always did so much for me, and I never got much of a chance to return all of her kindness and love. So I would recommend that you always remember to tell someone how you feel, how you appreciate them, be honest with them, and do something kind for them. Because you never know when they will be gone.

And, in a Christmas spirit, here is a Christmas poem my Grandpa wrote. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, I love you! Enjoy!


O sweet remembered bygone days
Of youthful Christmas joys.
A time of children’s Christmas plays
And children’s Christmas toys.

We trimmed the green and fragrant tree
Then crowned it with a star.
The kitchen was our bakery
And cookies filled each jar.

We sang the carols of Holy Birth
And songs of Santa Claus;
Songs of Bethlehem and Peace On Earth,
Of Silver Bells and Reindeer’s Paws.

Through the years the child has grown,
But memories still impart
A yearning for that childhood home
Within an aging heart.


With oodles of love, and tidings of comfort and joy,

Thursday, December 23, 2010

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year! :D

Why the heck have I been in a bad mood the past two days? Christmas is this week for goodness sake! I shouldn't be such a grinch! Tis the season to be jolly, be joyful and triumphant! None of this stingy "The world is dark" crap. (Okay, maybe I haven't been that bad, but you can see what I am getting at)

So this post is to be one of joy and it's usual silly-ness. :)

Okay joy is kind of an odd word to use at this moment, so we will replace it with optimism. Because I've had this pain in my lower left abdomen bothering me since last night. I have this curse of always getting sick whenever school is out or a special occasion rolls around, so it's probably just holding to the tradition. This includes Groundhog's day, My Birthday and Christmas of course (as well as many others).

The main two things I think it could be is either a cyst or appendicitis. Hah I would probably laugh if my appendix was exploding, because two people I know have gotten theirs out in the last month or so. Maybe mine is just jealous. Either way, the pain isn't that bad, so I'm not worried about it at the moment.

And it is Christmas Eve Eve!! I really wanna have a get together with some friends or something, and celebrate this wonderful holiday! Get some Apple Beer, sit by the fire, exchange small gifts, sing songs, the whole nine yards. That'd be so great :)

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Woah! I am a Teenager! Imagine that.

I think I've figured out why I never fit in at my home. Everyone is an adult. And I don't want to grow up yet! I want to enjoy what I have left of my teenage years. Let's face it, I only have about two years left before I am shoved into adulthood. Can I not just enjoy being a kid for a while?

When I'm at home, I feel like I have to be an adult. Like when I watch my niece or nephews, even though I love them to death and beyond, it's like I'm in motherhood training. Or when I listen to all the things that are going on in every one's lives, I feel like I am taking on their stress as parents and married couples. I never get to talk to anyone about teenage things, because everyone is past that point. I just sound like a stupid kid when I want to talk. So I don't talk, and people accuse me of being anti social or "emo child". Gah! There is no winning!

Despite what they may think, I'm a very happy and social person when I can properly express myself. But that kind of requires there to be something in common, or at least an open mind on their part. I want to be who I am without them bashing on band like some of them always do, or saying things like "Why are you so depressed emo child?", even if it is in a joking way. Band is really the only thing I am involved in, and when they don't accept it as something valuable, it's a slap in the face. And calling me emo child isn't gonna make me happy, let's be real. That's like saying "Hey! I think it's annoying when you are sad, so stop being sad! I am not going to bother asking what is wrong, but rather demand you get over yourself and be happy because I demand it of you! OBEY ME, I AM YOUR SUPERIOR!!!" (or something to that effect)

I want to hang out with friends for a while, I want to go on a date, I want to drive the car, I want to go do fun things with my friends, I want to get a job and save up some money for myself. I want to be a teenager. But it seems that is impossible without being looked upon as a naive kid who doesn't know anything. Is it too much to ask that I can do things like that without being seen as inexperienced or foolish? I'm not an idiot, I'm someone who wants to experience this part of life. I don't want to go from nearly no responsibility to having the entire weight of the family pressing down on me.

I'm just a teenage kid, please just let me be one for a while.

With love,

Monday, December 20, 2010

It was one of those days...

Today was a rollercoaster of a day. That about sums it up. It was fine until after school. Then it was bad. Then it got better, so that's good. This isn't a super funny or happy post. It's just how my day went. So don't expect much humor.

I came home, and my mom was furious with me, because I hadn't cleaned the bathroom, which I told her I would do when I got home. She did it while I was at school for some reason, and then wanted to get mad at me. The fact that my room wasn't clean didn't help. Yes, I am completely at fault for all of this, and I was fine with that. But it's when she comes in while I'm cleaning and wants to argue with me that I get really upset.

She chews me out pretty good. And yes, I cry. I'm a wimp. I cry when my mom gets mad at me. Because I know I disappoint her, and I always do. I never get to say anything from my point of view either, which just adds to the mess. I sit there and cry because I have all these thoughts in my head that I can't say. Because she either gets super offended and defensive, or she tells me I'm wrong, or she twists my words into something they aren't. So I've learned to shut my mouth and just take whatever she dishes out. That's what kills me. I can never be honest and speak my mind.

I think this is where my love for honesty and an open mind stems from. I want it given to me straight, because I want to give it to someone else straight. People always claim they want honesty, but they only want positive honesty it seems. Like they have selective conditions. I think you can be genuinely honest without being brutal, it's called tact. Don't sound like a jerk when you say it, just say it carefully. Then everyone is happy!

Anyway, she said some things that really got to me so I just asked her to leave (yes, asked, not demanded. I even said please, in a nice tone, not like a brat) because I didn't want to say something I'd regret. After I got my room clean, I just listened to music and painted. And how much better I felt! I don't feel like I want to go to bed crying now. So I look forward to tomorrow, and hope it'll be a better day. Hopefully I can spend some time with some friends or something.

Love you guys, Good night :)

Till next time,

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Grr... Maybe I'll just shut you down.

Why are you doing this to me?
I've done everything you've asked of me.
I've given you everything you want.
I've sat here for hours trying to work this out with you.
It's like you don't even want this to work.
Are you just being selfish?
Do you just want to annoy me?
What is your problem?!
I've even left you with a little extra time.
I'll admit, I left you for a while, to see if I could make something amazing with someone else, but they wouldn't even look at what I had to offer.
I've given you 79 minuets and 57 seconds of pure bliss!
Why are you not accepting it?!
We've worked this out before, in half the time!
I know it's possible!
Maybe it's time I abandon this thought...
I was foolish to think you'd let me do this more than once...

Stupid CD burner...

Ha! You probably thought this was some psycho, anger-influenced heart break didn't you? Fooled you! :D

Or maybe I didn't fool you, because you saw the bold letters and read them first. Either way, you probably should have caught on, assuming you know I rarely express such negative feelings towards people (out loud... Hey, I'm not perfect). Anyway!

I've been trying to burn some CDs for like... 3 hours. I'm so tired of this thing. It tells me to put in a CD, I do it. I press the burn button, and it tells me to insert a CD. Again. What the (insert angry word of choice here)!!! What do you want from me?! CDs made of DIAMONDS?!

...I need a hug.


Noisey, if I do say so myself.

Sometimes I think of random situations that I could probably find myself in. This sounds like something I'd do.

Me: (finally getting up courage to talk to the boy of interest in a noisy area) "I really find you quite attractive."
Boy of Interest: "What was that? I couldn't hear you."
Me:"... I really like the way you acted. Around those people... That you don't like. And stuff."
BoI: "Oh, yeah thanks."
Me: "No problem..."
(he walks away)


Luckily, I was not found in this situation tonight, although it could have happened I'm sure.

On another note, tonight was fantastic! Chilled and danced with the coolest people I know, listened to a bunch of those same cool people perform, and took pictures of other people I don't even know. All in all, I'd call it a success :)

P.S. I apologize if this has spelling errors, I am too tired to spell check it. So you will just have to deal with it.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Writings of Stuff. Very Official?

This isn't about any one, just a random little thought process that went through my head like... ten minuets ago. Then the long story is the "Short story" I wrote for a club, then decided not to share, because it wasn't nearly as good as the other stories that were told. haha so have fun kids.

What has he done?
The man who once followed his heart,
Who was led on by honesty,
Has been fooled by the artificial rues of her innocent eyes.
Eyes, with lust and passion,
Oh the eyes that deceive.
They bring not what man needs,
But what man finds as proclivity.
A promise to fulfill the most splendid reveries,
To vanquish thoughts of concern,
To banish negative connotation of desire.
Those eyes... Those eyes.
This man, took those eyes and thought them to be genuine.
He found himself no longer a man,
But a worn out item of personal gain;
Tossed aside at the likes of another who's cup held a sweeter wine.

Her Tree

His pocket watch had struck 7:47 PM. That pocket watch was a gift from her, a way of reminding him she'd be with him at any hour. “Then why aren't you here now?” he asked himself with bitterness in his heart. Then his bitterness turned to sorrow. That's when the memories flood through his mind; the mental dam could no longer hold back the furry of their haunting presence. It was clear that the cries of his heart had escaped their chamber, and he could no longer hide his emotions within the black abyss in which they were once concealed. The woods, the path, he remembered them with a stinging recollection - as if they were scorched upon his destitute mind.

Subconsciously he wandered forward in the forest, not acknowledging the way which his mind had led him. He shed a few tears during the review of his bitter-sweet, inescapable past. Was the wrenching emotional toil he must endure worth the once blissful memories and fond reveries? With his mind still pondering this thought, he continued to tread upon the unbeaten path that led to the source of his painful reminiscence- her tree

It was at this tree that he met her, where he held her in his arms while she wept, where they grew to know each other, and where he fell in love. It was at this tree that he promised he'd never let her feel alone. When he realized where he was, it came to him that he stood before that towering giant without her for the first time. The calm stream of tears turned into a violent wave of sobs and fervent longing. Quiet aches had languished a sturdy, passionate, man into nothing more than a cold, soulless shell who silently went about the day without purpose. But this; this was his breaking point. This broken man became a shattered spirit. All of this torment compelled his body to tremble, and caused his knees to again meet the soft soil that laid before the timber.

Suddenly he was stricken with a tender memory; when he came to his knees by his own will. He nervously practiced what he would say, and thought through what would be the opportune moment to kneel before the woman he loved. When he would profess his feelings, when he was prepared to commit his life to her. He held a small wooden box that contained a modest, white gold band in his pocket. A poor man he was, and he couldn't afford the glamorous diamond that most girls long for. But it wasn't a lack of money that compelled him to buy this band. He would have done anything to present her with a ring blanketed in diamonds if she so desired. In his eyes, the most expensive and embellished ring would have never been enough for her. She deserved the best. But all she ever wanted was the reassurance of his love, and to know that he remained faithful to her.

She would often stop to admire the ring's simplicity in the jewelry display when they would walk through the bustle of the city mall. When he asked her why she admired the ring so, she answered plainly “Something doesn't have to be complex or expensive to be beautiful” with a genuine smile, a smile that had captured his heart. This is why he bought this ring. He knew she was fond of it's simplicity, and that it meant more to her than a circle of precious metal. It represented a bond, their love. Which was something plain, genuine, and devoid of complexities.

But that night when he was prepared to purpose, she never showed up. He sat below the tree in his best suit with a ring and a broken heart. She was unjustly taken from the world before he had a chance to fulfill his promises to her, before he could give her everything she deserved. Why would someone with so much potential and so much compassion for others meet such an early death? At her funeral, he placed the ring in her cold hands, and looked upon her face one final time. So serene she seemed to sleep. Even in death, she was more full of life than he. It seemed that when she was consigned to death, so was the man he became. Never again was he the same person. She had helped him find who he was, and when she left, she took that part of him with her.

He continued to weep and pleaded to be set free of his pain. The night seemed as though it would never end, that the torment would continue until his very death. As he sat under the tree's haven, he went through all of the memories they shared. Some he looked upon with disdain, and others he could have been found with a faint smile. Then, gradually, there was a sense of peace about him. The calm of the night had settled in, and he began to fall victim to it's coaxing atmosphere. The night shut his tear stained eyes and granted him rest.

He awoke to find himself in the beauty of the foggy dawn. While a dull pain still resided in his heart, and he still had a heaviness about his chest, there was a sense of freedom from the chains tragedy had placed on him so long ago. It was as if an angel had descended from above and personally lifted his burdens from him. Life seemed as though it could continue, and that he could function again. While it was not easy to accept, he knew that he would continue to breath and find purpose in each new day. That's what she would have wanted, after all.

And a broken man began to heal.

-Hannah J. Thomas

More to come I'm sure.

With love,

Wednesday, December 15, 2010


Giving yourself is the greatest gift you can give, right? When you give yourself and your time, you are giving something something that can't ever be given back. It's the ultimate sacrifice. I think knowing that is what makes it worth the effort.

I don't know about you guys, but I am feeling utterly drained. This time of the year is a time to exert all your energy when you don't have much left to give. So when you start to feel exhausted, just remember that you have a choice. You have a choice to give your time. And I hope you do. In fact, I hope you push yourself a little past exhaustion, and make yourself feel uncomfortable. You can take the time for yourself when all your work is over, but when you push yourself a little harder, and test that limit, you get something special from it. You can take a step back and see that you've made a difference.

It doesn't have to be something big, but I dare you all to do something kind, but something that might feel uncomfortable for you. Smile at someone you don't know, even if you are in a terrible mood. Help someone with their groceries, young or old. Give a perfect stranger a gift, go Christmas Caroling, talk to someone shy, make a friend, do something new.

I can nearly promise you that it will reward you. And if it doesn't, then maybe you just need to look a little closer at what you have done for someone else. Because when you hand someone yourself, you are offering them something no one else can. Because you are the only you out there, so why not give it to them? You are great, you are better than great! And you have something to share with everyone.

With love,

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Band is Hot. Legit. Awesome. etc.

Dear Fellow Bandies-

Can I just say that I thought tonight was BEASTLY?!? I was totally feeling energy tonight. Maybe it was just me, but I feel so good about all of it! The Jazz stuff was HOT and ENERGETIC. As always. The Concert band did swell! But Russian? Ohhh yeah.... I was like "BAM!! WE ARE SO HOT RIGHT NOW!!" Aahh, it just felt soo satisfying. I freakin love band. I love all my bandies. So to all of you who performed, Well done!!

And My brother came, without me asking him to! I love him dearly! I understand some people can't come or have to back out for something else, Or just flat out don't want to be there. At least some loved ones can make it. It means a lot. :'D

Yep, I'm a band nerd.

The End.

With a Melodic Love,

Monday, December 13, 2010

I could use a little more silver in my life.

Make new friends,
But keep the old,
One is silver
And the other is Gold.

You ever feel like you really need to make a new friend? Not because you don't love your old friends, but you feel like you should get to know someone new? I'm in that place right now. And I can't make friends naturally. It's not my strongest suit. I was much better at this in 1st grade when I could just instantly be friends with the person sitting next to me.

Well, lately I've been trying to make new good friends and crack out of my shell (yes, believe it or not I do have a shell. And it's probably much thicker than you'd assume, considering how often I say hello to people I hardly know. That is, in fact, me breaking out of my shell.) and I've found out quite a lot about how I interact socially around people I don't know so well.

1. I'm awkward. And not in the good way. I don't know what to say or how to make conversation without sounding like a complete fool 98% of the time. The other 2% is the time that I keep my mouth shut.

2. I worry that people will read too much into what I do or say. Which could go one of two ways. They do, or they don't even notice what I'm doing the whole time, which means they really don't care. Either way, it's a loss on my part.

3. I don't know if I should talk to them and initiate conversation or sit by passively and let them come to me. That is the worst thing for me. and if you are nervous to come talk to me... Chances are, I would love talking to you, no matter who you are, so just come talk to me, Dang it! I won't bite your head off. I swear.

4. While I will be very laid back and chill in conversation with people I'm comfortable with, I get crazy and probably obnoxious when I talk to people I'm trying to get to know. Which isn't the best impression to make, but I figure it's better than being silent. I get nervous, alright? It's my way of coping!

I begin to wonder, when talking to new people and attempting to make friends, what is the proper balance of things?

Things to take into consideration:
• If you are annoying them
• How often/much you talk to them
• How busy they are
• You don't want to seem invasive
• If you don't talk to them, do they think you are ignoring them?
• If what you're saying or doing could be taken as a form of flirtation?
• How badly you may or may not want to be their friend
• What kind of effort are you willing to put into a friendship
• What kind of friend you are looking for

The over all message of this post? I need to learn to make friends in a natural, not invasive way. Impossible? Maybe. Only time will tell.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

48... What a Number!

I was thinking about school this morning (which is so wrong, considering it is a day of rest... gah...) and I decided to take a look at what I would like to plan for my next two years.

My brother has strongly encouraged me to take concurrent enrollment classes, so I don't waste money and time in college. Why not get credit now when it's easier, right? So I was looking at them, and this is what I found...

I can cram at least 48 credits of college into the next two years.

That sounds like quite a lot to me, and that would be very nifty to save that much time and money. And I still get to take classes I want. I'm pretty pumped. Now here's the problem...

Do I have that kind of time??

I will be doing band, and possibly getting a job. And in order to do this as I want to, I have to take 5 classes online. Luckily, they are pretty simple classes, so I'm not too worried. But still, is this insanity? Am I going to destroy myself in this process? Is it worth it?

It's at times like these where I wish I was only six years old again, learning about the octopus and stuff like that. I'm only sixteen! Do I really want to be doing college right now? I feel like I want to be grown up, but at the same time I just want to go back to innocence and bliss! Curse these teenage days of confusion!

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Here's my brain. Have fun.

Remember that boy fast? Yeah... Never thought it'd last. And I was right! I have come to accept that regardless of how I want to feel, I'm going to still like someone. But I can control what I do about it. And that's the beauty of it. I won't do anything at all. That's how I control it! It's fantastic!

But I thought I'd give you a look into my mind anyway. This is how my brain works, when it comes to boys. The kinds of qualities I'd like them to have and such.

• He's got to be honest, and tell me what's on his mind. Nothing is better than a guy who let's you into his head. To me, it shows trust, which is what I want most.
• I want someone who is chill. Yes, I want him to be energetic when it's time to be excited, but I don't want someone who has to be entertained all the time. I'd be happy to just be with him and do nothing.
• When I say something stupid or mix up my words, I want him to laugh. Not because he thinks I'm an idiot, but because he thinks it's cute. :)
• I want a dork. Yes, you heard me. I want a nerdy, dorky, cute guy. Because I'm a dork, and I don't want to feel like I'm too dorky for him. But he still has to be mature! When the time calls for it at least. haha
• He shows affection, but not in public or around friends, unless we are engaged or are extremely serious (which won't be happening for a long, LONG time, just to clarify). He'd know how I feel and I know how he'd feel, but we don't need to show it off to the world. I don't want to be a trophy for goodness sake, which is what PDA looks like to me.
• He'd never pressure me into being something I'm not. He'll take me as I am, but he'll encourage me to be better. He doesn't want me to change, he just wants me to improve.
• I'd like him to be intelligent. Not in a show-off sort of way though. He's smart, but he doesn't have to advertise it.
• If he can still think I'm cute when I'm in sweats and a t-shirt, he'll pretty much win over my heart. I like to feel like I don't have to dress up for a guy, but I will every once in a while to makes him happy.
• Guys who play music are all around amazing anyway, so my ideal guy has to play an instrument or just adore music at least.
• I want someone who is flawed. Because we all are, it's just a matter of who admits it and what they do about it. I don't want them to wallow and say how terrible they are or anything like that, but if they recognize they aren't perfect, it's quite attractive.
• And last (for this list at least, there are more qualities I can't think of at the moment I'm sure) he's has to be understanding and patient. I don't want someone with a hot temper who gets mad or refuses to listen. You never know when there is more to a story, so I want them to hear someone out before biting their head off. That includes my head as well.

So there you have it. Some traits of my ideal guy. Let's hope someday I find him! Or he finds me, or whatever.

With love,

P.S. Speaking of brains, The Walking Dead is a very intense show! If you are looking for something scary, definately go for that show. It'll make you think, and make you angry, but it's great :)

Thursday, December 09, 2010

The Music Box

Okay this is surprisingly dark. Especially for me. But I swear! I'm a happy kid! :D I just like to run with my imagination for a bit. So, if you aren't in the mood to read something a bit spooky, I would say to not read this at this moment. But, for those of you who are interested, please read with this music in the background! -The Musicbox (song)

Closing the doors behind me,
You walk past those crowded, yet empty halls,
Filled with ghosts who weep so silently,
And await their name once again to be called.

Their very presence chills your skin,
Their gossamer fingers sweep down the column of your spine,
They induce suspicions and daunting thoughts,
As if to say you've clearly lost your mind.

You lose your sense of reality,
What was once black has now turned white,
From shadows, faces begin to form,
And follow you throughout the night.

You can no longer discern direction,
The doors are no where to be found,
Everything shifts into a blur,
and silence turns to sound.

Between the shadows now turned into light,
and the stillness- a chaotic surge of noise,
You see a familiar object in the distance,
A frail and antique toy.

It's charming cherry finish,
With features in conditions so pristine,
You open up an old music box,
To find a dancing figurine.

As you examine the fragile object,
It soon becomes quite clear,
It's gentle, haunting melody,
Intensifies your every fear.

Understanding that this was the source,
From whence this nightmare came to be,
You shut the lid with a mighty force,
And locked it with a key.

The cavernous corridors are once again tangible touch of your gentle hand,
But this must have been the burning pain to be a ghost among damned...

With Spooky Love,

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Nachos and Berloiz

Well, here I sit with a half eaten plate of Nachos, mostly finished Chemistry homework, a couple of Christmas lights and some Berloiz playing in the background. What do I think of doing at a time like this? Updating my blog.

Dang Straight.

So to start, I have realized eating food helps you think a lot better. No joke. Even if it's Nachos. Delicious, unhealthy, nachos are better than an empty stomach. I actually had the patience to read part of my chemistry book, and I didn't want to light it on fire! It actually helped me! Go figure. (Totally random note, but I sometimes like to think my Chemistry book and my Math book are two guys fighting for my affection. The math book is always losing though. While both have an awful lot of problems, the handsome Chemistry book actually has insight to it's solutions. Unlike the dramatic math book who only makes things more dramatic and complicated. Or maybe this is all just some random thought brought on by nachos, lack of sanity, the time of day, and the type of mood I have been in all day...) So, eat nachos and feel the love.

As for the very random choice of music, I owe it all to my AP music class. It's not half bad, but I have to write a report on it. Not a fan of writing reports, but it's only 200 words. Woota! I have developed a bit of a taste for this kind of music because of the amount of it that is now forced on me, so it's relaxing.

On a completely different note, I visited my friend in the hospital today! The poor gal had her appendix taken out. But dang! I have never seen someone look so amazing while they are sitting in the hospital! She looked like a babe! Not at all like I would have expected. She was so lively for someone who just lost one of their organs. She had an awful lot of fun telling me all about the tube that is draining all the puss out of her stomach cavity. Haha she's a cutie, and a keeper for sure. So here's to you my dear!

And something that wasn't even mentioned in the random intro... I bought a little rubber ninja yesterday! He's so cute :) I enjoy him. Out of all the things I could have bought with that 25 cents, I chose him. That says something.

Well, not that this post was super important, but I hope you enjoyed it. Good night!

With love,

Monday, December 06, 2010

Short but Sweet?

Ahh... What a wonderful feeling. That feeling when you know that your friends are awesome? Yeah, that feeling. When all the pressure is off, and things are settled, and life feels alright? It's nice. There was so much going through my head for the past three months or so, but now, it is finally coming to a close. Things are patched up for the most part. Sure, there are still small things that go on, but that's what I'd like to call normal. It happens. But all in all, It's good to feel myself again! :D

So my dear friends, both old and new, You are all swell. You are wonderful people who give me much more than I deserve! I'm sure I drive you crazy at times, but it's because I love you :)

Sunday, December 05, 2010

Corona Del Mar

Okay so I know I had a post like... less than an hour ago, but I suddenly got over my writers block. Woot! But it isn't directly related to my previous post... blast! well enjoy anyway :)

Corona Del Mar-

On the feathery sands of Corona Del Mar,
Troubles were infrequent and pleasantly far,

Where the sky reflected the hues of our mood,
And the ocean's rhythm faithfully soothed,

Where angst and loneliness were lost at sea,
Where body and soul lined up harmoniously,

How I long ever more,
For it's amiable shore,
To breathe it's salt stained atmosphere,

To feel my feet in the sand,
To hold my heart in my hand,
And to let go of my irrational fears

While physically it stands so far,
I'll always hold Corona Del Mar in my heart.

Saturday, December 04, 2010

I can't think... Fix me?

Do you ever find yourself falling for someone even when there is no chance that anything will ever happen? And, Knowing that if anything did happen, it probably wouldn't have been worth the jump? Or knowing that you really need to just get over yourself and stop thinking about them? I'm sure you have. Well, I can relate. So here's to you, fellow hopeless romantics.

You might never think of me in the way I think of you,
And I'll never show it in the things that I do,
But I'm wishing that someday you'd help find me...
So I could help you find you.

Well, it's nothing big or fancy, but I feel like everything else I've tried to write with it doesn't fit. Writer's block is no fun. But I'll add on to it someday, if it's any good.

With awkward love,

P.S. Does anyone want to just go on an adventure? I do. So if you are in an adventuring mood, please notify me. We can go adventure together. And get hot chocolate. And possibly breakfast food. That'd be swell. kthanksbye

More than a Silly Girl on a Simple Blog

Things that you should know about me:

1. I'm extremely laid back
2. I'm comfortable being myself
3. I try to put others first
4. I'm flawed. I mess up.

And some other things that aren't so obvious...

1. I sometimes hide some of my identifying traits under layers of clumsiness, awkward smiles and jesting, stupid sayings, and sarcastic comments. While I might seem a bit dizty, I do have a thoughtful side that likes to think and debate and have intellectual and deep conversation.
2. I often find myself with feelings that I want to talk about, but I don't like to bring them up or let anyone know what I am feeling in fear the conversation will be shut down or ignored.
3. I smile to try and make sure people believe in optimism and hope, and I sometimes have to force the smile and put on a convincing act that nothing is ever wrong.
4. I want to feel like I mean something special to someone in some way. I want to know that I have made an impact in their life, and I have done something to improve them. I want to know if the little things I do actually make someone's day a little better.

And what I wouldn't give to know someone out there feels the same. I feel alone sometimes, but it's not possible that I could honestly be alone. I just don't understand why everyone feels they have to hide who they are or how they really feel. I want to know there are people out there who feel the same.

While there is much more too me, this is just a small picture of who I am on a deeper level. If you care to konw more, than just ask me. Get to know me in person. I'd rather be awkward and honest and get to know you than superficial and safe.

Written with You in mind,

Thursday, December 02, 2010

F# B D... Three notes that instantly lift me up.

Video game music. I honestly love it. Call me a nerd, or a dork or whatever you want. I really don't care. I just love video game music. If you actually listen to the music on this blog, chances are you have heard at least one of the many video game songs I love.

The reason I love it so? It always makes me happy.

I don't connect it with any painful human memories. I don't have any lyrics to put me down. But it is still packed with emotion and beauty. Yeah, it sounds awful sappy to say for a song that is in a video game, but it's just good stuff.

When I am feeling stressed out or just feel like I want to cry, I can turn on two songs that instantly make me relax. I don't know any other power in the world besides music that does that. Maybe true love does, but I don't know that end of things yet (as much as I'd like to say I do [Ha! I do. It's kind of like a pun... haha yeah that was bad. And unintentional, for the record.]).

And for those wondering about the title, it refers to Aerith's Theme from Final Fantasy 7. A beautiful song if you ask me. :)

Writen with NERDY love,

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

The Fatigue that is Never Satisfied

Are you ever tired to the point that it feels like sleep really doesn't do anything for you? I'm to that point. If anything, sleep makes me more tired...

It's beginning to feel a lot like mono!
(yes, in my head that was tuned to It's Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas)

The conflict? I have previously had mono. So TECHNICALLY I'm not supposed to have it again. But I read a nifty article that says mono is misdiagnosed 10% of the time, and if you previously had mono, you can have mono symptoms when a different illness is present.


On the other hand, I will probably start taking guitar lessons soon! I've been wanting to do this for a couple of years, so now I might actually do it. Woota!

With possibly mono-infested Love,