Oh yeah, I have a blog... I should probably update that....

Well, good news! I'm not dead.

In fact I'm very much alive. Despite wanting to curl up in a ball and cry about school sometimes, I feel... really fantastic. It's weird. Usually I try to come off as optimistic, but secretly I like to be a pessimist so I'm always pleasantly surprised when things go well. But lately I feel naturally optimistic. And I am so confused by this currently that while I type about it, my eyebrows are going up and down wildly.

Yep. That much.

I can't say I'm completely to blame for my positive attitude change. I've got some pretty swell people who have set me on this path. Chances are if you are reading this, you are one of them. When I feel like crap, I've had a lot of people ready and willing to help me get back on my feel. It's like their all compacted into one little magic drug pill that I can take and I'm instantly better. Something like this.

There are more people that would go into the drug, I just couldn't draw everyone accurately and I got lazy so I only did a few. I love you though, even if you aren't in the magical drug representation.

It's just so nice to know that the people you care about care about you too. Isn't that kinda why we are here and what it's all about? I think so. When you let someone in and they let you in, you just feel safe and secure and it makes going through the day a lot easier. You need to know that other people have hard times, and that better times are ahead. That's why I love you guys. You are fantastic. :)

Life is awesome you guys. Love it! Cause I love you!

Love, Tom

Random thoughts for the day:

I can blame the sumarians for screwing up my mind when I was younger. I was always thrown off, because time was counted by 6s (60 minutes to an hour) and money was by 10s. I'd always mix up the two. CURSE YOU SUMARIANS!

There are a few things that tend to die when I am stressed: my skin, my motivation, my social life, my blog, more motivation, and self confidence. But whateves. NBD

Lies are dumb. And gross. Don't tell them.

I'm either really good at reading people, or everyone else is pretty crappy at it. Which is fine either way I guess, because then I get a sort of upper hand. But not really. But maybe someday I will!

...Why is Jimmer here?

Dark colored skin is awesome. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so straight up white. I could be black, or poly. I'd even take some asian. But that's not really gonna change any time soon...

I respect real men! They are awesome too! Too bad they are all really confusing.

I want some yummy food. And someone to cuddle with. I'm cold and hungry.

2 points

2 points too little.
2 weeks too long.
3 tries too many.
1 year short.

Not enough. Close, but never quite there.


And yet, there was still a rainbow.
No. That's not a metaphor. I was being literal.

On another note, enjoy this.

Sometimes Songs Make Me Cry When I Try to Sing Them. NBD

Mostly the second verese.



Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling
From glen to glen, and down the mountain side
The summer's gone, and all the roses falling
'Tis you, 'tis you must go and I must bide.
But come ye back when summer's in the meadow
Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow
'Tis I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow
Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so.

And if you come, when all the flowers are dying
If I am dead, as dead I well may be
You'll come and find the place where I am lying
And kneel and say an "Ave" there for me.
And I shall hear, tho' soft you tread above me
And all my grave will warmer, sweeter be
For you will bend and tell me that you love me
And I shall sleep in peace until you come to me.

Someday... the Big Day.

Maybe it's just silly to put this on a blog for every one to see, but this blog is also a kind of journal for me. It's fun to go back and read through all the posts and remember what was associated with them. So here it is.

The Dream:

Picture yourself outside... It's a cool evening on a dock or near some beautiful body of water in late summer or early fall. You can feel the crisp, gentle breeze on your skin. There are lights and paper lanterns strung above you, complimenting the moon and the stars. The tables dressed with crimson candles gleaming and faces smiling. People both young and old are dancing to jazz and swing. And when things start to settle down, you can hear the crickets as the night ends just perfectly.

I never thought I'd be the girl who would plan what she wanted for a wedding before the actual relationship came along. In fact, I told my parents I would be tempted to just elope in the temple and not throw a celebration at all, because that's not what it's about (and planning a wedding just sucks, I've seen it way too many times. I hated cleaning them up, and I wouldn't want someone to have to do it for me). But I've gone and done it. Not on purpose, it's all just gradually come together in my head. I felt like I should write it down though- so I don't forget. Because it's good, dang it!

Well, I personally think the biggest thing for the wedding (besides the actual marriage itself) will be the music. I decided, if nothing else, I will have a jazz band at my wedding reception. That has to happen. Otherwise, I'll just elope.

For those of you who aren't aware, I have a huge soft spot for jazz, big band, swing, crooner style music. If you ask me, it's most human as far as music goes. It sounds so alive, so passionate and so real. Mainstream music is great and all, but I don't think it'll ever touch the soul that jazz has; it won't even come close. Some of my personal favorites are Frank Sinatra and Nat King Cole (and Micheal Buble, but he's a more modernized version of it all. It still gets me though).

When I was listening to good ol' Nat, I saw that it's the song of how I want to feel about my future husband. And here it is.

I love you for sentimental reasons

I hope you do believe me

I'll give you my heart

I love you and you alone were meant for me

Please give your loving heart to me

And say we'll never part

I think of you every morning

Dream of you every night

Darling, I'm never lonely

Whenever you are in sight

I love you for sentimental reasons

I hope you do believe me

I've given you my heart

Now believe me, this isn't the only song that I want played. This is just the song I picture for the first dance, or that incredibly romantic moment when you realize how in love you are. Ya know? (Yes, I am this much of a hopeless romantic. I just try not to put it out there that much). But you gotta have a good variety!

Some other songs I'd like to have include the following:

Yeah, anything of this sort is gonna be at my wedding. Just saying. My husband better like jazz music...

With love,
Tom

Music basically Rocks.

Here are some of my favorite songs right now. Just so ya know :)

$3 Inspiration

 

 

It's amazing what a few bucks and a trip to DI can do for the soul.

 

Note: If you don't actually want to read any back story, and want some good quotes, skip to the bottom. I'll make a nice big title thingy that will say "Quotes!". Just for you lazy types :)

When I was younger and had all my siblings living at home, my older brother Trevor would always take me places. He was the brother who actually liked to do things with me. He'd take me to the mall, let me hang out with his girlfriend, take me out to eat, and so many other things. But my favorite thing to do with him was to go to DI. We'd shop around the whole place looking at all the cool and random things we could find. We had a set pattern of how we would browse the store. It's true. Not that it was intentional, but it just kinda happened every time we went.

Every time we went, he'd always stop and look at the books. Never at novels or fiction, because he always read to learn. He'd buy books on how to start a business successfully, hypnosis studies, and how-to's on just about anything. I thought he was just silly. But now I have picked up the habit.

Yesterday I went to DI after looking around in the library for a while. I wanted my own collection of books that I could mark up and read and study without needing to return them. So I spent at least half an hour looking through just one isle of non fiction books. I ended up buying "Mastering Healthcare Terminology", "Drawing From Life" and "The Harper Book of Quotations"

The last book I almost didn't buy. I thought I'd never actually use it; that I just liked the idea of buying it and using it. But it was only 3 bucks, so I figured "What the heck! Why not?"

Let's just say this book has quotations that I needed to hear. Holy crap. Let's just share some of them below.

 

 

Quotes!

 

"The joy of life is variety; the tenderest love requires to be renewed by intervals of absence."
- Samuel Johnson

 

"We always deceive ourselves twice about the people we love -- first to their advantage, then to their disadvantage."
- Albert Camus

 

"The irony of love is that it guarantees some degree of anger, fear and criticism."
- Harold H. Bloomfield

 

"The more you let yourself go, the less others let you go."
-Friedrich Nietzsche

 

" Weak people cannot be sincere."
- La Rochefoucauld

 

"Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love -- for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of [God]* no less than the trees and the stars; you have right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world."
- From the works of Max Ehrmann

 

*Originally it said "the universe" instead of God. Just my small adjustment to the quote.

 

And those are just a few of the fantastic quotes in this book. I've already spent at least an hour just looking through a few quotes. It's been awesome :)

 

With love,

Tom