Why I Hate Henry David Thoreau

Some might ask why anyone would ever hate such a prestigious man. His writings are brilliant, they are bold and uncaring of what society thinks. And of course, he preaches nonconformism. He wants you to follow your conscience. How could I possibly hate this man?
Because I think he's nuts. So here is my letter to you, Mr. Thoreau.

Dear Mr. Thoreau,

Yeah, sure. Go live in the woods for a few years. Then tell me how awesome it was and how enlightened you now are because of it in your writing. It's cool. I wish I could ditch all responsibility too, but I would rather accomplish something that benefits other people than achieve some weird personal equilibrium. (Let's be real here, I won't ever be at an equilibrium.# Thanks though. You get an A for effort. But it's pretty selfish, so I'm gonna have to also give you an F for being a pansie and running away from your problems instead of facing them head on, like most people do. Not to be insensitive to your tough life, but come on. No offense. I'm just acknowledging the truth as I see it and going off of my conscience here. Like you say I should.

Oh, and you know that whole spiel on finding truth and accepting eternal realities and all that? That'd be great. Except you kinda refused to accept the reality that society isn't a demon set on ruining your life as an individual. Yes, society is stupid sometimes and they make retarded rules too, but they are good for some things. Like making murder illegal. That's a good one. And taxes #you know, the ones you never paid?), while they can be ridiculous, are often put to good use! Like making roads and schools and things like that. Society can be awesome!

I know you have the best intentions when you are telling us about nonconformism and that following society is bad, which is why I regret to inform you that preaching to me about nonconformism is really telling us to conform.... Just throwing that out there. Saying that you should be able to follow your conscience? Good! Even saying that you should stand up for your beliefs? Also good! Telling me that the rails ride upon me and that my life is too busy when you don't even know me or what I wish to accomplish? Twinges one of my nerves. And making me feel like you hate America because it has a form of government at all? Also upsets me. I'm a little patriotic okay? Sue me.

And to conclude, one of the biggest reasons I hold a high distaste for you? You sound like a way more sophisticated younger version of me. A version that still comes out every once in a while. One that I'm not as fond of as the me I am now. When expressing things, I think I might get a little preachy... So I like to think I understand you a little bit. Am I saying I am as great as you have been claimed to be? Not by a long shot. But I get you.You are passionate about how you feel. And for that, I give you the most respect. Just don't make me feel obligated to follow you. I respect you. But I hate you a little bit. Or a lot, but that's mostly because I am forced to read you because you're writings are... famous. And "good".

Sincerely,
Tom