If I've learned anything this year I've learned life doesn't get easier. It gets harder and harder until you have the weight of everything crushing you and leaving you breathless. Not in that tender cheesy loving breathlessness, but the kind you get when its cold outside and your airways constrict. Or when you fall off a kiddie slide and have the wind violently knocked out of you. It's not fun. And it hurts. And sometimes everyone makes it sound like if your airways cconstrict for long enough, you'll be able to breath better later. If you keep getting the wind knocked out of you, it will strengthen your lungs. Now I don't know if physiologically it would be te. But it doesn't seem right to me. You need to relax everything and to just be able to breath again. That's all I want. But it doesn't seem like I will be catching a breath any time soon.

if

Sometimes the feet you are left standing on are kicked out from underneath you. If it weren't for school obligations, honestly, I would be somewhere else now. Anywhere else now. But I have friends I can't let down. Teachers I can't fail. People who might need me. Maybe. If I can stand up and accept responsibility. If.

Reality of Dreams

As I shifted between consciousness and slumber, the thought occurred to me that dreamers are given terrible reputations.

The dreamers who admire the softness of the foxgloves and snapdragons that float across a hollow humid twilight drenched in the Moon's finest sand. Or perhaps the dreamers who observe everything in shades of lilac. Those who touch the stone as it morphs to water which ripples across the vacant space of mind, becoming a chain reaction causing tides to swell. Who see reflections of shadows and shadows of thought. That taste first hand the words that drip from the pages of The Great Gatsby and crave the depth of lightheaded description. From the pseudo-omnipotent perspective, they lift and drift into their predisposed adventure or lack there of.

These dreamers have become a artists of something beyond comprehension, and dive head first into the realm of control. The true masters of reality.

-H.J. Thomas

Russian Techno (русский!)

Once upon a time my brother was in Russia for a couple of years. When he came back, he brought some really catchy music with him that I listened to. I had no idea what it was saying, but it sounded awesome. This one was one of my favorites.



Yeah, I at least know what the chorus means. Sort of. Essentially-- "Robot! I love you!" Yeah, that's as far as I've gotten.

And I love pretty much everything he brought back, because we'd blast it in the car and he'd sing along while I just kinda sang the melody on a generic "lalaladadalala" kind of thing. I had the biggest craving to listen to it because I was listening to new "dubstep" music, and I just wanted some good, clean beats that I could rock to. Russian Techno is just the best.

You're on to something Agnes...

"It has been wisely said that we cannot really love anybody at whom we never laugh"

- Agnes Repplier

When it's because they're awkward with mustaches....

Or when we make silly faces...

Or when we just can't seem to get a decent photo...

Intentionally or not....

When we wrestle and pretend we don't want to....

Or when we do things that are just absolutely wrong...

When I want to punch them....

When I miss them...

When I am so beyond disgusted with them....

And when I'm decaying---

and screaming with them....

I'm so glad they make me laugh. I love my friends and family. 

So don't forget to giggle.

Cupcakes Ruin My Moping Moments.

Well this is a pleasant surprise. For some random reason my blog has been exposed to an awful lot of countries around the world. It's super nifty! I've had occasional visits from other nations in the past, but it seems like a bunch of cool people around the world have somehow managed to get here, almost as if on purpose. I'm excited about that! I hope the views continue. Not that I have anything important to say, but it's still fun to feel important. High five to all you awesome people!

In other news, surgery went well, I recovered just fine and today I got my stitches taken out!! I can type normal again! No more one handed silliness. Now I have a "7" shaped scar forming and a few holes on the sides of my middle left finger, but it's semi-usable. The biggest plus? I don't have a gross lump on the side of my finger! I can move it without feeling like it's going to pop.

Now on to another highlight of the day.

I was feeling a little down because of how some events of the day unraveled. Long story short, I was upset because I feel like I've been letting down someone who I used to consider a role model and they seem to be unhappy with me. So I moped around having no motivation to do anything. Out of my window I can hear some little kids talking to each other. I assumed it was for the neighbors, but hoped they were people I knew who randomly showed up at my house to give me food. Next thing I know, there's a knock on the door. I go upstairs to find three little kids from my neighborhood holding a plate with four big homemade cupcakes. Just for me. I had helped them a while back with something which I don't recall now, but it wasn't anything big. But they thought of me and gave me something to smile about. I love little kids.

Hope you find something to smile about too. Happy Valentines Day :)

Love,
Tom

I love this man.

Thank you for giving me some things to smile about :)