You know, I hate feeling like everything you do is useless. I have felt this a lot recently, not gonna lie. I don't know if I think about stuff too much, but I feel like I am not doing anything for the world. I want to help, but every attempt is... well, useless. Not to mention that I feel like these useless tasks are taking up valuable time I will NEVER get back. Let's take for example the skills we try so hard to improve. In the end, do they matter? Not really. To your teacher who is giving you a grade, maybe. But that really is about it.
Writing this blog? useless.
When will I use these thigns in my life? Probably never. Let's be honest here, I most likely don't have the drive to compete with everyone else who becomes successful at these things and actually manages to live off of it.
And Anything that is worthwhile, is generally nearly impossible to obtain. Like the classes I think will actually apply to my life, are of course- classes I can't take untill I'm a junior or senior. Or, things that are insanely expenseive. College comes to mind.
And I am a bit socially/emotionally spent. You know those times when you try so hard to please everyone, but it's bascially impossible? Yeah, that basically is my life. I feel like I always let someone down, or I am never social enough, or I can't provide what someone needs. And it eats at me!
I don't know if anyone actually understands what I am trying to say half the time, so that doesn't help. Maybe I am just overly complicated? I thought I was pretty simple, but whatever. It would just be nice to have someone who understands what you are trying to say all the time. I don't even know if that is humanly obtainable, but it doesn't hurt to hope for it.
And having only one person to talk to makes it difficult as well. I can't talk to just anyone about these type of things, ya know? You start to sound self absorbed and selfish, and just like a jerk. I mean, when I get going on something, I usually go off about everything in my life, and it woudl just be nice to have someone listen. I don't want them to solve my problems, I want to just freakin talk to someone.
But parents just seem to want to fix the problem, or tell you what you are doing wrong. Not what you need to hear when you are just venting. The majority of friends lose interest after one story, or they some how manage to turn the conversation to themselves.
Basically this is just a post to talk to some person without talking to them. Sounds crazy, but whatever. It does help a bit, so why not give it a shot?