Feelings.

I have a lot of them. More than I'm used to. So here's a list of a lot of them. Not all at any one person.

I'm sorry.
I love you.
Why?
I'm lost.
I hate you.
Who have I become?
Woah Woah Woah! Slooow the fetch down.
Worthless.
Bleerrggg...
Screw you!
Hurt.
I admire you.
I can't do this.
I can do this.
Yeeeasss!
Nope.
Sleep.
Try.
Sleep.
Sleep.
Don't try.
Give up.
Sleep.
Forget it.
Sleep.
...
...
...
Wake up. Times already gone. This year is over. Never have one like it again. Wake. Up.

If I've learned anything this year I've learned life doesn't get easier. It gets harder and harder until you have the weight of everything crushing you and leaving you breathless. Not in that tender cheesy loving breathlessness, but the kind you get when its cold outside and your airways constrict. Or when you fall off a kiddie slide and have the wind violently knocked out of you. It's not fun. And it hurts. And sometimes everyone makes it sound like if your airways cconstrict for long enough, you'll be able to breath better later. If you keep getting the wind knocked out of you, it will strengthen your lungs. Now I don't know if physiologically it would be te. But it doesn't seem right to me. You need to relax everything and to just be able to breath again. That's all I want. But it doesn't seem like I will be catching a breath any time soon.

if

Sometimes the feet you are left standing on are kicked out from underneath you. If it weren't for school obligations, honestly, I would be somewhere else now. Anywhere else now. But I have friends I can't let down. Teachers I can't fail. People who might need me. Maybe. If I can stand up and accept responsibility. If.

Reality of Dreams

As I shifted between consciousness and slumber, the thought occurred to me that dreamers are given terrible reputations.

The dreamers who admire the softness of the foxgloves and snapdragons that float across a hollow humid twilight drenched in the Moon's finest sand. Or perhaps the dreamers who observe everything in shades of lilac. Those who touch the stone as it morphs to water which ripples across the vacant space of mind, becoming a chain reaction causing tides to swell. Who see reflections of shadows and shadows of thought. That taste first hand the words that drip from the pages of The Great Gatsby and crave the depth of lightheaded description. From the pseudo-omnipotent perspective, they lift and drift into their predisposed adventure or lack there of.

These dreamers have become a artists of something beyond comprehension, and dive head first into the realm of control. The true masters of reality.

-H.J. Thomas

Russian Techno (русский!)

Once upon a time my brother was in Russia for a couple of years. When he came back, he brought some really catchy music with him that I listened to. I had no idea what it was saying, but it sounded awesome. This one was one of my favorites.



Yeah, I at least know what the chorus means. Sort of. Essentially-- "Robot! I love you!" Yeah, that's as far as I've gotten.

And I love pretty much everything he brought back, because we'd blast it in the car and he'd sing along while I just kinda sang the melody on a generic "lalaladadalala" kind of thing. I had the biggest craving to listen to it because I was listening to new "dubstep" music, and I just wanted some good, clean beats that I could rock to. Russian Techno is just the best.

You're on to something Agnes...

"It has been wisely said that we cannot really love anybody at whom we never laugh"

- Agnes Repplier

When it's because they're awkward with mustaches....

Or when we make silly faces...

Or when we just can't seem to get a decent photo...

Intentionally or not....

When we wrestle and pretend we don't want to....

Or when we do things that are just absolutely wrong...

When I want to punch them....

When I miss them...

When I am so beyond disgusted with them....

And when I'm decaying---

and screaming with them....

I'm so glad they make me laugh. I love my friends and family. 

So don't forget to giggle.

Cupcakes Ruin My Moping Moments.

Well this is a pleasant surprise. For some random reason my blog has been exposed to an awful lot of countries around the world. It's super nifty! I've had occasional visits from other nations in the past, but it seems like a bunch of cool people around the world have somehow managed to get here, almost as if on purpose. I'm excited about that! I hope the views continue. Not that I have anything important to say, but it's still fun to feel important. High five to all you awesome people!

In other news, surgery went well, I recovered just fine and today I got my stitches taken out!! I can type normal again! No more one handed silliness. Now I have a "7" shaped scar forming and a few holes on the sides of my middle left finger, but it's semi-usable. The biggest plus? I don't have a gross lump on the side of my finger! I can move it without feeling like it's going to pop.

Now on to another highlight of the day.

I was feeling a little down because of how some events of the day unraveled. Long story short, I was upset because I feel like I've been letting down someone who I used to consider a role model and they seem to be unhappy with me. So I moped around having no motivation to do anything. Out of my window I can hear some little kids talking to each other. I assumed it was for the neighbors, but hoped they were people I knew who randomly showed up at my house to give me food. Next thing I know, there's a knock on the door. I go upstairs to find three little kids from my neighborhood holding a plate with four big homemade cupcakes. Just for me. I had helped them a while back with something which I don't recall now, but it wasn't anything big. But they thought of me and gave me something to smile about. I love little kids.

Hope you find something to smile about too. Happy Valentines Day :)

Love,
Tom

I love this man.

Thank you for giving me some things to smile about :)

I have a thing for big bulgy eyes

Yes. I just posted. But with that kinkajou on my mind I had to post more adorable animals. Here are some of my favorites.

Fox Bats & Fruit Bats

Creepy? Maybe. But look at the eyes!! :D

Pugs & Boston Terriers

Awww, they look so ignorant and cute! The pug is sticking out his tongue!!

Teacup Pigs & Ryan Gosling 

Don't even tell me you can say no to those faces. See here for proof of teacup pigs. And Ryan Gosling... no woman, nay, no man could deny that smolder.

Foxes & Frogs

O hai, just dooin mai fing. Kan I halp yoo? 

Geckos & the Ugly Baby Shark

Even ugly baby shark is cute. Look at his gross bulging eyes! It's like he's just shouting "LOVE ME..." and the gecko is just awesome. And he knows it. 

Cownose Ray & The Blowfish

Water animals are so weird. And just funny. Cownose rays look like they smile from underneath and feel like velvet covered in slime! Aww!! Slime! :D :D

Sea Turtles &Tootless

Well since the sea turtle is one of the few rare animals I have seen in it's habitat, it now holds a place in my heart. And toothless is awkward :)

Anger Management Turtles

No more caption needed.

I Love the Idea of Open Flesh and Synovial Fluid.

Grody grody grody grody grody....

Oh sorry, I'm back from looking at google images of ganglion cysts. I don't recommend it.

And on that happy note, I get surgery tomorrow!! Is it a big deal? Probably not. Sounds like a simple procedure in which they will open my flesh on purpose and remove something my body has naturally produced. 

But grody grody grody....

I don't like open wounds! I don't know how functional my hand will be. Sure, it's not my dominant hand, but still!  I haven't every had my body opened on purpose!! I don't like the sound of it... Sad face :(

Well enough with the complaining. Let's find something positive! 

Like guitar! I like that thing. It's good to me. And honey filled plastic bears. They are good too. 

And this adorable animal I studied in third grade!

THE KINKAJOU!!

The image came up when I searched for the honey bear picture... and I put this picture up instead of said honey bear. It's cuter and a little more unique. Say it with me... "Awww...." :)


Click it. I dare you to deny the cuteness up close as he stares into your soul. 

Songs Without Words

There is something powerful in a song without words. Today I rediscovered that treasure that I set aside for too long.













You can tell that I like the mournful songs and the deeply involved.... if at least one of these didn't capture you...

Why I Hate Henry David Thoreau

Some might ask why anyone would ever hate such a prestigious man. His writings are brilliant, they are bold and uncaring of what society thinks. And of course, he preaches nonconformism. He wants you to follow your conscience. How could I possibly hate this man?
Because I think he's nuts. So here is my letter to you, Mr. Thoreau.

Dear Mr. Thoreau,

Yeah, sure. Go live in the woods for a few years. Then tell me how awesome it was and how enlightened you now are because of it in your writing. It's cool. I wish I could ditch all responsibility too, but I would rather accomplish something that benefits other people than achieve some weird personal equilibrium. (Let's be real here, I won't ever be at an equilibrium.# Thanks though. You get an A for effort. But it's pretty selfish, so I'm gonna have to also give you an F for being a pansie and running away from your problems instead of facing them head on, like most people do. Not to be insensitive to your tough life, but come on. No offense. I'm just acknowledging the truth as I see it and going off of my conscience here. Like you say I should.

Oh, and you know that whole spiel on finding truth and accepting eternal realities and all that? That'd be great. Except you kinda refused to accept the reality that society isn't a demon set on ruining your life as an individual. Yes, society is stupid sometimes and they make retarded rules too, but they are good for some things. Like making murder illegal. That's a good one. And taxes #you know, the ones you never paid?), while they can be ridiculous, are often put to good use! Like making roads and schools and things like that. Society can be awesome!

I know you have the best intentions when you are telling us about nonconformism and that following society is bad, which is why I regret to inform you that preaching to me about nonconformism is really telling us to conform.... Just throwing that out there. Saying that you should be able to follow your conscience? Good! Even saying that you should stand up for your beliefs? Also good! Telling me that the rails ride upon me and that my life is too busy when you don't even know me or what I wish to accomplish? Twinges one of my nerves. And making me feel like you hate America because it has a form of government at all? Also upsets me. I'm a little patriotic okay? Sue me.

And to conclude, one of the biggest reasons I hold a high distaste for you? You sound like a way more sophisticated younger version of me. A version that still comes out every once in a while. One that I'm not as fond of as the me I am now. When expressing things, I think I might get a little preachy... So I like to think I understand you a little bit. Am I saying I am as great as you have been claimed to be? Not by a long shot. But I get you.You are passionate about how you feel. And for that, I give you the most respect. Just don't make me feel obligated to follow you. I respect you. But I hate you a little bit. Or a lot, but that's mostly because I am forced to read you because you're writings are... famous. And "good".

Sincerely,
Tom