Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Woah! I am a Teenager! Imagine that.

I think I've figured out why I never fit in at my home. Everyone is an adult. And I don't want to grow up yet! I want to enjoy what I have left of my teenage years. Let's face it, I only have about two years left before I am shoved into adulthood. Can I not just enjoy being a kid for a while?

When I'm at home, I feel like I have to be an adult. Like when I watch my niece or nephews, even though I love them to death and beyond, it's like I'm in motherhood training. Or when I listen to all the things that are going on in every one's lives, I feel like I am taking on their stress as parents and married couples. I never get to talk to anyone about teenage things, because everyone is past that point. I just sound like a stupid kid when I want to talk. So I don't talk, and people accuse me of being anti social or "emo child". Gah! There is no winning!

Despite what they may think, I'm a very happy and social person when I can properly express myself. But that kind of requires there to be something in common, or at least an open mind on their part. I want to be who I am without them bashing on band like some of them always do, or saying things like "Why are you so depressed emo child?", even if it is in a joking way. Band is really the only thing I am involved in, and when they don't accept it as something valuable, it's a slap in the face. And calling me emo child isn't gonna make me happy, let's be real. That's like saying "Hey! I think it's annoying when you are sad, so stop being sad! I am not going to bother asking what is wrong, but rather demand you get over yourself and be happy because I demand it of you! OBEY ME, I AM YOUR SUPERIOR!!!" (or something to that effect)

I want to hang out with friends for a while, I want to go on a date, I want to drive the car, I want to go do fun things with my friends, I want to get a job and save up some money for myself. I want to be a teenager. But it seems that is impossible without being looked upon as a naive kid who doesn't know anything. Is it too much to ask that I can do things like that without being seen as inexperienced or foolish? I'm not an idiot, I'm someone who wants to experience this part of life. I don't want to go from nearly no responsibility to having the entire weight of the family pressing down on me.

I'm just a teenage kid, please just let me be one for a while.

With love,

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